Archive for the ‘Recaps’ Category

This episode starts out with Malik and Jason at a restaurant grabbing some lunch. Malik asks how Brittany’s doing.  Jason is saying how she had to stay home form school because of cramps, but Malik spots her at another table laughing and giggling with her friends. Jason and Malik head over to see what’s going on and why she isn’t at home. She makes up a story that she wanted some soup to help her cramps so she called her two friends to see where the best soup was and they decided to come there. Jason actually believes that lie and tells her to just come home after they are done. Malik knows that she’s lying. Jason knows as well but feels like one day of cutting school is no big deal. He doesn’t want to be the strict parent like Kelly was and he wants to be her friend and not her parent right now.

At Derwin’s house… Melanie is cutting up some kind of mess in the kitchen, not quite sure what it is, and Tasha is there with her hair wrapped up talking about how she needs to get her weave done over.  There is a knock at the back door and it’s Jason with Brittany and before Melanie can close it in walks Magic Johnson who then introduces himself and walks up to the fridge to grab a bowl of grapes. Jason is there to ask Melanie to babysit while he and Magic go play golf  with Michael Jordan, Charles Barkley and Tiger Woods Johnson (Magic’s cousin). She tells him that she can’t because her parents are coming into town later that night. As Tasha is making small talk with Brittany, the ” little fast girl” as Magic calls her, tells Tasha that she’s on her period so now she can have babies. Jason tries again to get Melanie to babysit but she declines and suggests that Tasha would be able to do it. At first Jason is hesitant but he finally decides to ask her to do it as a favor. Brittany  interrupts and says that she doesn’t need a babysitter and that she is not 12 anymore. She’s 13! it’s not like she’s going to go out and get pregnant, an obvious swipe at Tasha. Tasha takes offense and decides to babysit Brittany and introduce her to a good ole ghetto time. Jason and Magic leave for the golf course and Tasha leaves with Brittany in tow.

Later that evening… Melanie is getting things ready for her parents’ visit. Derwin is not at all excited about it but sarcastically says that he is. She promises him that things will be different this time.  When her parents come in Mrs. Barnett calls Derwin over, as he approaches reluctantly he flinches when she reaches out her arms to hug him. * remember when he went to ask their permission to marry Melanie she slapped him like 3-4 times.* He looks shocked. Dr. Barnett thanks Derwin for the NBA Finals tickets and says that they were able to sit right next to Donny Wahlberg (New Kids On The Block singer/Actor). Derwin looks over at Melanie in complete shock. He also unknowingly donated some money to Mrs. Barnett’s Greenpeace charity making her the highest donation collector for the year.  Derwin plays along with it not wanting to embarrass Melanie or her parents about the situation as they move to the living room to talk more.

At Tasha’s house… Tasha’s Ghetto behind is getting her weave redone, she sees that Brittany is being awfully quiet so she asks her what she is doing. Brittany shows her that she has downloaded all the Twilight movies, books and soundtracks to the tune of over $200. Tasha flips and tells her to bring her the Bible. Brittany comes back with the bible and Tasha tells her to read it .  She then tells Brittany that she has some chores for her to do. Brittany tells Tasha that she is not her maid but Tasha explains that she’s not because a maid gets paid, she’s her slave.

Back at the Davis house… Melanie is going on about some recipe for braised lamb that she got from Top Chef, but her mom and dad are more interested in Derwin’s life and what he has going on. Now they want him to call them Mom and Dad. Melanie, feeling a bit slighted, asks her mom if she like her sconces and that she had them imported from Prague in the Czech Republic.  Her mom could care less and as they continue to laugh and joke with Derwin. Her mom tells her to be a good wife and get Derwin some more food. she declines and says that he has two legs, but her dad quickly interjects and says yes but two legs that make millions.  Mrs. Barnett even asks when they are going to be able to meet their adorable step grandson!  As Derwin is talking about little D. J. Melanie angrily begins to clear the table.

At Tasha’s house… Tasha is almost done getting her hair done when Brittany comes in with some tea for her. She tells her to set it down on the table. Brittany then leaves back out. As Tasha’s hairdresser is getting ready to leave Tasha reaches in her purse to pay her when she notices something missing out of her purse. After her hairdresser leaves she calls Brittany into the room and told her to give her back what she stole out of her purse. Brittany denies taking anything from her and acts as if she doesn’t know what Tasha is referring to. Tasha goes off and tells her to go get a switch because she is about to beat her ass!

Back at the Davis House… After dinner they are all sitting in the living room chatting.  Melanie looks bored while Derwin chats it up with the in laws. Even Dr Barnett gets up and shows them his impersonation of Derwin’s end zone dance!  They are all having a good time when Melanie says that they haven’t asked her anything about what she’s doing. They ask her what is she up to and she tells them that she is the new president of the sunbeams. Only problem is they have no idea what a sunbeam is. Melanie then gets mad once again and says that she gets it. She gets that Derwin is the super star football player and that she is the boring housewife that never practiced medicine and there is nothing going on in her life. She then before storming out tells them that Derwin didn’t buy them all those things it was all her, “Dr. Melanie Barnett- Davis”!! * correct me if I’m wrong but where does she work? Isn’t Derwin the breadwinner and sole money maker? So wouldn’t that mean that he bought them all those things? I get her point though, it wasn’t his idea but it was his money*

At Tasha’s house… Jason has arrived and is on the phone with Brittany. He tells her that it is okay for her to come out because he’s there now. He jumps down Tasha’s throat for threatening to spank his kid. She tells him that she stole something of hers. When Jason asks what it is Brittany says that it is Tasha’s weed that she thinks she stole. Then tells Jason that Tasha is going through withdrawals and was tapping and scratching and stuff. Jason angrily asks why Tasha had drugs around his child and Tasha says that she has a license for it and that it’s for medicinal purposes. Jason says that he would call the cops and have her sent to jail but she would feel right at home. Tasha tries to plead her case that Brittany is the one who’s lying and stole her weed but  Jason calls her a pothead and leaves. Tasha then starts acting a little erratic saying that she needs her weed over and over getting louder each time.

At the Davis house… Mrs. Barnett is washing up the dishes when Melanie comes in and talks about how she is okay with not practicing medicine. She says that at times she wishes that she does but she loves Derwin more than medicine and she is completely committed to her marriage.  They share a heartfelt moment about how she gave up her dream to raise a family and help her children achieve their dreams.  When Melanie says that she supports Derwin and now her dream is to that they build his career and legacy and a family together. Melanie is talking about a family in the future but her mom thinks she is trying to tell them that she is pregnant now. By this time Derwin and Dr. Barnett come in but before Melanie can tell her mom that she means later not now her mom tells them that Melanie is pregnant.

At Jason’s house… Brittany is on the phone talking to her friend about Twilight when Jason comes in. She gets off the phone and he apologizes for leaving her with Tasha. As he tries to have a moment with her she is not even paying attention and is replying to text messages. As she tries to leave to go meet her friends at the mall Jason grabs her purse to stop her. He then grabs her purse off of her arm and goes through it. He finds Tasha’s weed! Brittany then acts as if she had no idea what it is and that she thought it was some incense or sage. Jason tells her to stop lying. She comes clean and says that she wasn’t going to use it but give it to a friend to sell for profit. Jason tells her that he can’t believe she had him defending her, she then quips back and says she’s trying to cope with having divorced parents. He tells her to sit down but she refuses.  He gives her a stern look and tells her to sit her ass down right now.  He then grabs all the clothes out of her closet and says that he’s getting rid of all of her skanky clothes and he’ll be damned if she’s gonna be walking around looking like a video hoe. They will now be joined at the hip. When she asked what he’s going to be about golfing and his show, he calls Chris Webber up thanks him for the opportunity but he quits the show and tells him that he has another job that he has to attend to. Brittany then seeing that he is serious, begs him not to go through with it.

At Malik’s estate… Malik is bowling with his maid Rosa. Tasha comes in and after spending the day with Brittany sees where she made mistakes and starts beating and chasing Malik around with the switch that she was going to beat Brittany with, ending this week’s episode.

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This episode starts with Malik on the Monique show breaking down about his incident with the cops that lead him to rehab.  He’s talking about how he’s changed from the $80 million man to just plain ole Mr unbelievably wealthy. he also talks of doing what he needs to do for his probation and that he is in talks with Alfonso Ribeiro ( Carlton from Fresh Prince) about doing his own made for tv movie about his life. When she gets into his love life with super model Jenna Rice, the girl from rehab, Malik has a Tom Cruise moment and jumps up on the chair proclaiming his love for Jenna and how much he’s in love with her! Monique quickly tells him to get his ass down and that she is not Oprah and he damn sure isn’t Tom Cruise before going to a commercial.

later that evening… Malik and Jenna are out together being all smoochie. Jenna goes to the bathroom and over walks the Owner’s wife, Parker.  She talks of how malik seems to be glowing and how she saw them on the debut of the Monique show. she thinks that he should invite her to join some of their “festivities”.  He shoots her down by telling her that he recently went through a lot of things and that he is just not in that mental place anymore. Parker could care less about his mental place and that he needs to be make sure he is over at her place later tonight. Again, Malik tells her that he appreciates what she can do without her tonsils, and she then interrupts and adds without her uterus as well and that she can’t get pregnant, but he is not interested because he’s with Jenna and he doesn’t get down like that anymore. He tells her to leave, she does but with a smirk on her face like she is up to something.

At Derwin’s house… Tasha and some of the sunbeams are going through some fan mail for the guys, *why? I have no clue* Seems Derwin is getting mail from some female fans and Melanie is getting jealous because she’s used to him getting things from little kids and grandmothers.  When Tasha tells her not to worry about it she snaps at her that it’s easy for her to say because she’s dating a toddler (Dante) and that she only has to compete with Dora the Explorer. When a letter comes for Javon, Jaz says that she doesn’t care because as long as they satisfy their men in bed then they are good. The other ladies agree. Melanie then, a little embarrassed, says that she has no problem in that department and that they have sex regularly. Jaz then presses her about what they do like toys, threesomes etc. Melanie says that she doesn’t need another woman in bed to help satisfy Derwin. She the goes from saying that she is a great lover to a good one down to satisfying.

At a hotel on the Road… Melanie calls Derwin to talk to him after his big game. As they are conversing Derwin opens the door to his hotel room to find a groupie gymnast in lingerie sprawled out on the bed telling him that she has 73 other positions as well. Melanie hears her in the background and asks who she is. Derwin makes it clear that he is innocent and that he had nothing to do with the girl being in his room. Melanie of course believes him and has him put her on speaker phone. She then proceeds to tell the groupie off.  She then tells the girl to get out! After the girl leaves he tries to go on with the conversation only to find out that this happens to him all the time. she then gets off the phone with him because she is upset and disgusted because of the groupies.

At Malik’s room… As Malik is entering his room a teammate asks him to go to the strip club with him but he denies. He says that he’s just going to go and Skype with his girl Jenna and watch some Family Guy.  As he opens the door he find Parker laid out across his bed telling him to come over so she can smack that ass.

At Derwin’s house… Melanie calls Jaz over to ask her for some advice on how she can spice things up in the bedroom. She speaks of a threesome. Jaz thinks she is inviting her to join but Melanie is asking her about hooking her up with someone else. Jaz says that she can easily hook her up and keep it discreet.

Back in Malik’s hotel room… Malik is trying to get Parker to leave but she doesn’t want to. when he forcedly tells her that she needs to leave she reminds him of how she saved his career and criminal record by telling him to go to rehab and that she was the only one that had his back.  He tells her that he appreciates what she did but that he doesn’t owe her crap. She then walks over to the phone to call her husband (the owner) about what they have been doing but before she can finish dialing Malik tells her to go ahead and call but that her husband will Divorce her and that the prenuptial they signed more than likely has an infidelity clause in it and so she won’t get anything.  She angrily knocks the phone and lamp off the dresser and says that she’s pretty sure that her husband as well as the media won’t respond well to hearing that he raped her. She then proceeds to trash the room as she yells Rape!!! a housekeeper comes to the door to see if everything is alright as Parker sits back on the bed laughing. Once the housekeeper leaves she asks him who he’s gonna screw her or himself?

At a club… Jaz and Melanie are trying to pick out a girl for Melanie and Derwin to have a threesome with.  As Jaz leaves Melanie to go on the hunt. A young lady comes over to Melanie and starts up a conversation. She talks of how she saw Melanie and Derwin on the cover of Essence and that she is studying dentistry, she says this because Melanie is a “doctor”.  Melanie then awkwardly brings up that she doesn’t know how to ask for a threesome with her and her husband as she compliments the young lady’s ‘lickable’ lips. She then tells Melanie to just ask. After Melanie asks her she agrees. * I see all types of problems coming out of this, I mean toys are one thing but another chick into the situation can be a problem*

At Malik’s room… As he lays in bed with Parker he tries all he can not to make eye contact with her as she talks about getting ready for round three. He clearly looks distraught.

At Derwin’s house… Melanie has rose petals laid out as Derwin comes in.  He asks her what’s going on and she tells him to hush because tonight she is Madam Melanie and he is slave Derwin and will follow his orders as she slaps him across the face.  She then instructs him to take off all of his clothes and meet him upstairs

At Malik’s house… Malik returns home to find Jenna in his bedroom naked covered only by some balloons. She says that they are to celebrate his win and that he can have them or hers as she lets them rise to the ceiling to reveal her naked body. As they embrace she asks if he’s crying and he denies saying that he is just happy to see her.

Back in Derwin’s Bedroom… Derwin is tied up on the bed, arms spread. as Melanie blindfolds him she tells him not to talk but to relax, he will get his surprise soon enough. She then brings in the other young lady, takes a swig of alcohol from a flask and instructs the other girl to begin kissing Derwin on the chest but as she moves upwards to kiss his lips Melanie stops it and gives her a signal to leave the room. As they go downstairs out of earshot of Derwin, she tells her that she hasn’t done anything wrong but that she just isn’t ready for it and isn’t as open minded as she thought.  The girl understands and that if she changes her mind then to call her. Before she leaves she kisses a surprised Melanie on the lips. After getting over the initial shock she goes back upstairs and makes love to Derwin ending this week’s episode.

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So this week’s episode opens with Kelly talking into her reality show camera about how bad it was being married to Jason. During her taping Jason comes in with Brittany. Kelly asks Brittany how her weekend was with her dad and Brittany tells her that she had to spend the weekend at Jason’s parents’ house instead of with him. He also served her with a cease and desist order because they have a confidentiality agreement so she can’t use his name on her train wreck of a show. She tells him that she plans to change her name to Kelly “Devereaux” *yeah as in Blanche Devereaux from one of my favorite shows of all time ‘Golden Girls’*. He then tells her that since the name of the show is ‘Ex baller’s Wives’ without him or her mentioning him she really doesn’t have a show as he walks out of the room laughing.

Back at rehab…  They are in the group session as Malik comes in and is ready to share. He comes up with a lame explanation for his addiction. According to him the instructions on the pain pills say take as needed, now on a good day he only needs 3-4 but on bad day 15-20. So now he wants to know what a good number between 4 and 20 is that won’t classify him as an addict. The doctor interrupts him and says that his definition of need is more mental than physical and that he is taking the pills are for both physical and emotional pain.  As the doctor is probing him to find out what may be his emotional hang ups Malik gets defensive and threatens to hurt him before leaving the room. Again.

At a listening party for Rapper Fabolous… Derwin, Melanie and Tasha are there working the crowd.  As they head to the bar they notice Kelly and her reality crew coming in.  She heads straight for Derwin and Tasha quickly shuts that down.  She is not going to let Derwin be a part of Kelly’s reality show mess.  As Tasha and Kelly go back and forth about it, Derwin sneaks off and goes to talk to Rapper Fabolous. Melanie tries to diffuse the situation between Tasha and Kelly by saying that Tasha is just trying to protect Derwin’s brand but Kelly just calls them jealous tramps and walks away. Melanie grabs Kelly’s arm and tells her that it’s been two weeks since that incident at the Sunbeams’ party and that they miss her. Even though she’s not a Sunbeam she’s still their friend. When Melanie goes to hug Kelly, she tells Melanie to go swab her illegitimate step son and stop running around caller herself a doctor because its just sad. She walks away only to come back and tell Tasha that it’s just a matter of time before Dante reaches puberty and dumps her just like Rick Fox did.

Back at Rehab… Malik is reading the newspaper when Jenna comes over to talk to him because she felt that he looked down and out and needed a friend to vent. He vented alright. He went off about everybody from coaches retiring to T.T. getting his own business to Tasha being with her man all the time to Derwin’s success.  He just feels like everyone used him to get where they are but when they got there they dumped him to the side.

Meanwhile back at the listening party… rapper Fabolous is on the stage performing his hit song “You be Killing em” and Kelly is talking to her producer and he asks her what happened with Derwin. She tells him that she can get him but that Tasha is blocking. He then tells her that the show is over because she can’t get any ballers on it, first Jason now Derwin. She tries desperately to call some guy she knew in high school that owns 4 Dairy Queens and a 5 minute care wash, but its a wrap and the camera crew leave. When the camera crew go to takes some shots of some girls dancing Kelly goes over and begins dancing with them. When this isn’t enough she pushes them aside and goes up onto the stage and begins grinding on Fabolous. Tasha and Kelly are in the back looking shocked!!

At Kelly’s house… She is on the phone with the producer and says that she doesn’t want to use the footage from her dancing with Fabolous because it makes her look like a whore. but when he says that it’s number one on some website then she’s all for it.  As she gets off the phone Jason walks in.  He shows her some photos of Brittany in a bikini that he found on the internet. He feels that her behavior is affecting their daughter’s behavior and if she doesn’t quit her pathetic show and change her ways then he’s taking Brittany from her and leaves. The next day Kelly is dressed very conservatively and is practicing what she will say to Brittany when Brittany comes in.  She says that they need to talk and she shows her the photos on her Facebook page and tells her that it is inappropriate behavior for a 13 year old.  Brittany says that it’s just a bikini and doesn’t seem to see the problem with it and asks her why she bought it for her if she didn’t want her to wear it.  Se tells Brittany that she doesn’t want her posting that kind of stuff on the internet. Brittany then asks her why not since she does it and is ‘the internet’s hottest booty’ and calls her a hypocrite. She tells Brittany that she is an adult and to go to her room. but Brittany tells her no. A shocked Kelly tells her to go to her room or else, Brittany interrupts and says or else what? Kelly clearly losing the upper hand just keeps repeating go to your room until Brittany finally gets up and goes.  *It is clear that Kelly has no control over Brittany and maybe it is best if she goes to be with Jason*

Back at Rehab… Jenna is reading a magazine when Malik comes over to chat.  She tells him that she was thinking about him and what he was saying about people starting their business and retiring. She feels that maybe they just getting lives of their own. She says that they are going to go home soon and that he needs to figure it out. She asks him what he expects them to do, he thinks that things were fine the way that they were.  She tells him about how change can be scary but life is going to go on with or without her, so he needs to get in the game and play.  He finally understands what she means.

At the Davis household… Derwin is doing the Jimmy Kimmel Live show and Tasha has come over to get Melanie so they can go to the taping when Kelly comes over. They tell her to leave but she asks for a truce and shows them the pictures of Brittany. The first thing Tasha says is to beat Brittany but of course Melanie feels like that is not the right thing to do and throws in a shot about how that may be how she went wrong with Malik. Melanie thinks that she should have put her in timeout. After seeing the pictures Melanie feels like a little beating my help.  Melanie then tells Kelly that it’s not her fault, but Tasha says that it is and the only way they can help Kelly is to tell her the truth.  She then breaks it down that instead of being out there shaking her ass and trying to do that reality show she should have been being a mother. She’s a horrible mother, but they can get through it. They feel that brittany may be just acting out because of the divorce and then Jason and Camille (Stacey Dash) breaking up. Together they can work things out.  Kelly then thanks them and hugs Melanie. She then tells Melanie that she hopes her story doesn’t turn out like hers. When Melanie questions her Kelly tells her to stop acting like she doesn’t have black women problems. *Da hell is black women problems?*

At T.T. Wing Truck… Malik shows up and after some small talk he actually apologizes about what happened between him and T.T.’s girl. They seems to forgive each other and he gives him some of his newest flavor called the “Wright wings” their extra spicy, they might burn you but they’ll always be on the menu.  As they are talking, Allison, the girl Malik slept with, comes from the back and asks what’s going on since the line isn’t moving. She sees Malik and then understands. Malik has a look of confusion but T.T. tells him that ‘the heart wants what the heart wants’,they shake hands and Malik walks away to give the wings to Jenna and opens the door for her as they pull off.

At the studio… As Jason is leaving he sees Kelly outside waiting for her. She tells him that she has quit her show and that she is just having a hard time moving on from her former life of the Sabres, Sunbeams and even Jason.  She tells him that they couldn’t fix their marriage but they can save their daughter so she wants Jason to take Brittany while she goes away to get herself together. After a few jokes he seriously tells her to take all the time she needs and to take care of herself ending this week’s episode.

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This episode starts with Malik at the rehab center during a group therapy session.  As the others tell of their trials and tribulations with drugs and alcohol he is being rude and interrupting people.  The counselor asks him to share his story but he refuses and acts really hollywood towards everyone.

Meanwhile at Derwin’s house… Melanie is running a sunbeams meeting when Tasha interrupts to say that Rick Fox is calling her and that he didn’t dump her but they just grew apart like Brad (Pitt) and Jen (Aniston).  Melanie tries to continue with the meeting but Tasha keeps interrupting talking about how Rick keeps messaging her and wants to go out with her when he comes into town.  As they are talking Kelly walks in with her camera crew.  She wants to donate to Melanie’s charity of, check this, “hats for the hobos”.  as she is leaving she overhears them talking about something and decides to but in with her idea. Then Kelly and Tasha get into their little argument about Kelly being cheap and such.  They go back and forth a few times before begins to leave again. As she is leaving this time she overhears them planning for a girls’ night out and comes back again to join in, this time she sits down and stays.

At rehab… Malik is apologizing to one of the girls for his behavior at the group session earlier that day.  He says  that since he’s a celebrity they always try and give him all the attention. She’s not buying it and seems quite aggravated with him being around.  He then decides to let her in on a little secret. His secret is that he doesn’t have a problem and that he’s only there as a publicity stunt. As she walks away in disgust at his lack of trying the doctor comes up to him and tells him that he doesn’t feel that he is taking his recovery seriously and that he is hindering the other people from their recovery. He also informed him that he tested positive for Opiates as well on his admissions drug screening and that they are willing to help him but until he can at least admit to his problems then there is no sense in him being there. Malik then gets offended and thinks that they are kicking him out. The doctor reassures him that he is welcome to stay and that they are nit kicking him out but Malik walks off.  As Malik leaves the doctor tells him that their door will always be open for him.

At Tasha’s House… Dante is fixing the fireplace when Tasha is about to leave for the sunbeam’s girls’ night out.  In reality she is going to meet Rick Fox.

The sunbeam’s are at a club in VIP just enjoying some drinks and laughter when Kelly texts Melanie to say that she’s there as well. Melanie tells the other girls that she is going to tell her that they are in VIP and to come up but they stop her. They don’t want anything to do with her and her reality show. Melanie goes on about how Kelly was former president and their friend but it seems that the only friend she had was Melanie and the other girls couldn’t stand her. They tell her that as the new sunbeam president she has to enforce the rules that the sunbeams are only for current wives, girlfriends and designated baby mamas.  When she goes up to Kelly she tries to tell her but can’t and they end up joining the other girls as if the previous conversation never happened.

At a club… Malik is out of rehab and back to drinking and drugs again. As he is acting crazy popping pills and drinking he sees Derwin and Jason  come in. He is clearly still upset about Derwin not showing up at the press conference but his bodyguard calls him over. Malik then tells him to go get the car because he’s ready to go. Once Derwin comes over he asks where he was and the first thing they as him is why is he there. Malik tells them not to worry about why he’s there but the question is why he wasn’t at the press conference. Derwin says that he was meaning to talk to him about it. Jason tells him that he may want to try anger management once he’s done with rehab and that enrages Malik. He starts to push  Jason and Derwin around. Before they begin to square up to fight Jason grabs malik to calm him down and tell him that people are watching. He pushes Jason off and swings on Derwin.  Since Derwin isn’t drunk his reflexes are a bit faster and he punches Malik in the face first knocking him to the ground.  Jason and Derwin then carry malik’s unconscious body out of the club as they try and laugh it off as if it’s a joke for the people watching.

At the restaurant… Tasha orders another martini as she waits for Rick Fox to arrive but instead walks up Dante.  See apparently she turned her cell phone off so rick had to call the house to say that he couldn’t make it for dinner.  She says that it’s not what it looks like. She tries to explain by saying that she just wanted to show Rick that she had moved on. He says that she consistently underestimates him. Before he leaves he gives her back her house key saying that he no longer needs it.

At the Girls’ night out… The girls are getting sick of the cameras and all begin to leave. Melanie begs the last girl not to leave but she goes anyway leaving just her and Kelly in VIP.  Kelly laughs at how Melanie’s party was a bust and that she will get better at planning things sooner or later. Melanie gets mad and tells her that the alcohol is reserved for sunbeam members only and that Kelly is no longer a member.  Kelly says that Melanie doesn’t have to throw a tantrum about it. Melanie tells her the real reason people leave is because they are annoyed with her presence. She goes on to say that earlier she let it slide but now that she keeps showing up she looks pathetic and everyone thinks it. Kelly says that they should have the courage to say those things to her face and not behind her back. Melanie does just that. She looks Kelly right in the eyes and says that she thinks that she is hanging on to the sunbeams and the sabres and in some weird way Jason.  She tells her that she needs to move on.  Kelly then turns to the camera and says ” I guess Snooki was right. When you get famous some friends make the journey with you and some are so jealous that you gotta leave them behind”.  She then gets up and leaves.

In the club bathroom… Derwin and Jason are trying to wake up Malik. He is out cold. Derwin begins to worry about his career when all of a sudden Malik wakes up and jumps on Derwin from behind. Jason breaks them up and Derwin tells him that he didn’t show up at the press conference because it was between being there or having a career so he chose his career. Jason comes up with a plan to quietly get Malik back to rehab but he runs and hides in the bathroom stall.  They try to plead with him that if he doesn’t go to rehab then he will go to jail but he doesn’t care and says that he’s good.  Jason and Derwin tell him that they are his friends and will be there regardless but they are taking him back to rehab whether he wants to go or not.  Malik then decides to slowly come out and they drive him back to the rehab center. Malik walks in the door to check himself back in ending another episode for the week.

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This episode opens with Tasha, Kelly and Med School throwing back some shots at Med school’s house.  she tells them about her situation and what’s going on with Derwin and the custody issue. She says she hates having to go to church and that derwin is in court everyday for hours. She goes on about how she feels bad for Derwin and how Janay has him jumping through hoops.  The then cut away to Janay’s house and show Derwin jumping through a hoop into the pool!

Later on… Derwin comes home looking all tired as if he has had a hard day at work.  She begins to massage his back and talks about how this whole thing is pissing her off. Then Derwin acts as if he is upset about it as well but says he has to deal with it.  She then asks him about taking DJ to Disneyland to see the light show. He says that he’ll ask her but it’s a delicate situation.

At a five star restaurant… Tasha is out to dinner with Dante. She begins to complain about wanting a new car and how she is going to trade in her car, break her lease on it and get a Maserati.  When he tries to politely talk to her about not having to spend money like crazy she becomes offended. And we all know that when Tasha gets offended she gets loud! She says that she’s rich and can spend money on whatever she wants. He calls her hood rich which offends her even more. She misses the point that just because she’s successful she doesn’t have to throw it in everyone’s face. She then comes back saying how she’s a baller and she doesn’t need anyone trying to put a cap on her balling! He then gets upset grabs the check and leaves.

At Janay’s house… Derwin is on the grill cooking up some hot dogs and steaks. They are trying to live the family life as she goes on about how she’s talked to his grandmother and she’s sending baby pics for DJ’s photo album. While they are joking on each other he asks her about taking DJ to Disneyland. She objects because she doesn’t want her child anywhere near Melanie. He then lies and says that she’ll be at a medical conference.  When Janay asks why since she’s not a real doctor, he kind of defends her and says that she is but just doesn’t practice and then they both start clowning on Melanie. Derwin seems to be going with whatever is popular. When with Melanie he talks about Janay and when with Janay he talks about Melanie. I need him to get it together.

Javon is at T.T.’s wing truck trying to get free wings by giving him an endorsement but T.T. passes.  Derwin walks up and orders some wings for him and Janay. He and Javon joke on each other as he and T.T. clown him about buying wings for Janay.  He insists that its just lunch and nothing more but they continue to ride him about it saying that he’s cheating on Melanie with Janay. He denies it and walks away.

At a restaurant… Melanie, Kelly and Tasha are having lunch just chit chatting. When the waiter comes to check on them Tasha orders a bottle of Cristal. Kelly asks what the occasion is and Tasha tells them of her new White on White  Maserati that she’s just bought. She bought it because Dante was trying to check her about her spending so she felt she had to check him back by spending twice as much. Yeah, genius move there… Melanie’s cell phone goes off and its Derwin. He gives her a list of things that he wants her to do. As Tasha makes fun of Melanie for being at Derwin’s beck and call she goes on about how she’s not going to have a man controlling her like that. Kelly chimes in and tells her that it has nothing to do with her balling and more about her running around flashing that she makes more money than him. Melanie then adds her two cents and tells Tasha that she needs to make Dante feel like he’s in control because that’s what she does with Derwin.  As they continue talking Kelly spots Janay walking in. Melanie says that she doesn’t want to see her and of course Tasha, to get even, calls Janay’s name out loud.  Melanie then has no choice but to go over and say hello.

Melanie goes on about how sorry she is and that she knew that Janay didn’t want to hear from her so that’s why she wrote her a letter. Janay ignores her and begins to look at the menu as Melanie walks off.  She then comes back to say thanks for letting them take DJ to Disneyland. Only problem is that remember Derwin said that she wouldn’t be there. Janay says that she said he would think about him going but definitely not with her. Melanie then tells Janay that it was her idea, but Janay says that he didn’t mention that she was going. Melanie gets all defensive and calls Janay a liar saying that Derwin has no reason to lie and that she’s the one dragging him to court everyday about their son.  Problem is that Janay and Derwin haven’t even been to court yet.  Janay then tells him about how Derwin has been at her house all this time and Melanie calls him crazy and walks away calling her a bitch.

Back at the Davis house… Derwin comes in from practice to find Melanie on the couch looking at her laptop. She asks him to catch a matinee the next day but he says that he can’t because he’ll be in court all day.  She then says that they can just download a movie instead and goes to show him the laptop. Instead of a movie choice for download she shows him a gossip site that has video of him swimming and playing with Janay and DJ.  He then says that he can explain but looks dumb faced.

At Tasha’s house… Dante is on the couch playing Halo: Reach. Tasha comes in with some dinner that she made instead of going out to buy.  He tells her that he’ll eat it as soon as he’s done with the game.  She gets pissed because he’s not paying attention to her or the food that she’s made.  She goes on about how she could have been out eating some surf and turf and having a $20 cocktail but instead she’s slaving over a stove so that he can save his little peanuts. After he chiding gets the best of him he gets up and puts her in her place. He says that first off his peanuts are not little and that his peanuts (money) is not the problem, it is hers. She needs to calm down, he goes on to tell her that she doesn’t need to jump up and down and be so loud all the time. Basically stop being so damned ghetto!! He tells her that she needs to turn it down a notch and that when you’re in a relationship and love someone then it can’t all be about her but about them. She then asks if he loves her and he says that he does and if he didn’t he wouldn’t put up with her.  As they hug she  asks him how he got to be so smart at 24. Yes 24!! isn’t that younger than Malik? I’m just sayin’ She then asks him to teach her how to play the game so that they can play it together. They then make up and he shows her how to play.

At Janay’s house… Derwin goes over to confront her about posting the video on the gossip website.  She did it to get back at Melanie. He tells her that he knows that she’s trying to break up his marriage.  She then poses the question to him of what is he trying to do? He’s trying to use her to portray this image of a happy family with the three of them and then go back home to his wife.  He says that he’s trying to keep both Janay and Melanie happy so that he can spend time with his son. She calls him on it and says that he can’t play the victim on this one.  She goes on to ask what she has done wrong beside falling in love with him.  She didn’t cheat on him or steal him away from Melanie and still tried to be civil after Melanie snuck the DNA test on their son.  He was using her to sell this fantasy world of a family so that he could get what he wanted.  Derwin apologizes and says that they should have gone to the lawyers in the beginning to work things out. He feels like crap and apologizes only for her to tell him that he is always sorry.

At Derwin’s house… As Derwin arrives home he finds Melanie in the Kitchen waiting. He begins to apologize and all she can worry about is whether or not he’s slept with her. he denies it. She tells him to grab a plate as she has cooked some Veal for dinner.  He cautiously grabs some food and sits at the table beside her.  She says that she has learned forgiveness while at church so she has to forgive him for his willful deceit and he has to forgive her for what she did. I don’t think it works that way. You can’t force someone to forgive you just because you forgave them for something else. That’s the only way they feel that their relationship will be able to move on and work.

At the Rehab clinic… Tasha goes to see Malik and sneaks him some wings. When he asks what she’s been up to she finally breaks down and tells him that she’s been seeing someone and that she may be in love. Ending another episode for the week.

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This week’s episode starts off with Tasha fussing at her maid because she isn’t cleaning her bar b que grill correctly. As Tasha attempts to show her how it should be done, the maid turns the tv up and tells her that she may need to see this. When she turns to look she sees a press conference that the police dept is having about Malik’s arrest. Derwin sees the news as he is coming out of the shower and getting ready for the day. Jason also sees the press conference while at a bar.

At the owner’s office… Malik is in the office with the owner as they work on how to spin this story so that he can walk. the owner talked to their attorneys and he should be okay, just probation.  He also tells him not to say a word to anyone but of course Malik doesn’t here this because he’s tweeting “I’m free! Bastards!” The owner decides its best if he takes his phone. As Malik is leaving the room he runs into Jason in the hall.  Jason says that he’s concerned about Malik and wants an exclusive on the story.

Later at Malik’s house… Tasha shows up while he’s getting a massage to talk to him about his arrest. She thinks he should do some public opinion control.  He says that his people are already on it. As she goes on about ideas of ways to change his image or spin the story he  keeps saying that ‘his people’ have it. He then asks her if she has something to do for Derwin instead of being there. She reminds him that he fired her and hired a bunch of white folks to work for him. angry at her remark he tells her to go home. Before she leaves she reminds him that she’s here for him and that she will always put him first. As she’s leaving she runs into Derwin as he’s coming in to check on how Malik is doing.  She quickly tells him to leave before anyone sees him because being seen with Malik is bad for his image.

Later Malik is bowling once again with Javon as they discuss his situation. As they are joking  they see a news special about Malik. In the report Jason is in a jail cell talking about how that is where Malik is going to end up. After seeing the report he calls Jason and decides to do the exclusive story with him to clear his name even though the owner told him not to talk to the media.

At Derwin’s house… Derwin comes in to find Melanie going through a bunch of  gift bags from Derwin’s sponsors. She complained that he went over to Malik’s after they agreed that he would stay away until the scandal blows over. He tells her that Tasha stopped him at the door and that on his way home he kept getting calls form sponsors telling him to stay away from Malik or else.  All he was trying to do is be there for his friend. She reminds him that its not just about friendship its about business and he is a brand so they have to protect the brand.

At Malik’s house… The owner’s wife comes over to see him as he sits by the pool eating cereal and drinking Hennessey. She’s not here to be with him but to let him know that he’s in trouble and that the owner (her husband) and the team are going to screw him over. Their ‘plan’ is to just sit back and let him go to jail. There is a clause in his contract that states that if he goes to prison then they can release him without pay and replace him. Malik doesn’t want to believe it.  She suggests that he goes to rehab. If he goes before trial then maybe the judge will just give him probation.  He’s upset  and walks away throwing the bottle of Hennessey in the pool while proclaiming that he is not an addict.

On the set… Malik is  on the set with Jason as they talk about the incident. He then goes on to turn the incident into a race issue and claims that he was not drunk that night. He then goes off on a tirade and says since they want to abandon him then to hell with the media, to hell with his so called friends, his family and San Diego! Jason quickly calls for a cut to taping and tells him that if this airs then that will bury him and to watch what he’s saying. He thinks that he’s taking it too far. Malik tells him to go to hell and storms off the set.  The producer then asks Jason what he wants to do with the tape and he tells him to put it in the vault.

At Derwin’s house… Derwin and Melanie are watching last year’s playoffs on the new 3-d tv that a sponsor sent over when the phone rings, it’s Malik… He wants Derwin to be at the press conference that he’s holding so that it can help his image. Derwin lies and puts him on hold by saying that he has his grandmother on the other line. Melanie says that she’s prayed about it and she thinks that he should go there and be there for Malik.

At the press conference… Malik says that he is deeply sorry for his behavior and offers Officer Cook his sincerest apologies, he then admits that he has a drinking problem and is going to check himself into a rehab center. As he talks about the support of his family and friends, they pan over to Tasha and an empty seat where Derwin should have been. Derwin is at home during the press conference dressed and ready to go but doesn’t go. Malik continues that with the support of his family and friends that he will step away from football for now to get himself together. he leaves the podium, walks down and hugs Tasha as they walk off leaving the conference and ending the show for the week.

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This episode opens with Malik at home with a bunch of strippers  dancing around/sleep/ laying out as a plate for his sushi.  Tasha Mack comes in harping because he missed a lunch with her and Derwin about a Ford campaign.. They were both there because they have assistants and Tasha feels that Malik needs one as well. Malik begs to differ and believes that he has an assistant, some girl he’s eating sushi off of.  Tasha says that she will find him an assistant but he feels that he’s a grown ass man and can do it on his own. After interviewing a few “candidates” he picks one based on her looks and the fact that she’s bisexual.

Later that day… Malik and Javon are bowling, his assistant comes in to bring him some movies which were the wrong ones, Tasha then comes in and says that she has been trying to call him all day but the girl aka i’gnant heffa keeps transferring her to his answering service. The problem is that he doesn’t have an answering service. She says that she is calling T.T. to train her but Malik says that T.T. is dead to him even though they have been best friends since they were 2. All he knows is that T.T. took the money that he gave him for his business and never looked back. Javon interjects and sticks up for T.T. saying that he was just looking out for his own well being. Tasha decides to call T.T. anyway.

At the Davis House… Melanie is having a meeting with the Sunbeams. She tells them about the charity event  that she will be hosting the next saturday. She will be the speaker to some at risk girls about her rise to success in the medical field. *is she serious? She didn’t even complete her residency! Child please…* Melanie is being really stuck up and snooty towards the other girls.

At Malik’s estate… T.T. is showing the new assistant the filing system that he uses for the movies. Since alphabetically gave Malik a nose bleed he uses the same system that NASA uses on dyslexic chimps. (Sad movies in blue, Angry movies in red, so if they make you happy they are in yellow) as he is going through the demonstration Malik comes in making wise cracks about T.T. smelling like Chicken. T.T. ignores the comments and continues to teach the new assistant the filing system. After the continued insults T.T. tells him that he needs to quit it and that he thought that by him coming to help the new assistant that it might spark some sort of apology out of Malik. Malik laughs it off and says that T.T. needs to apologize to him instead. T.T. decides to apologize. He apologizes for being such a loyal friend, for allowing him to screw him over time and time again since they were kids, and he’s sorry fof Malik having sex with his girlfriend in a hot tub. Malik’s dumbass then tells T.T. to come on over and give him a hug as if all is forgiven. I guess he didn’t catch the sarcasm. T.T. then reaches in his pocket and pulls out a roll of money and throw it at Malik. It’s all the money he loaned him for the wing truck plus interest. T.T. is done dealing with Malik. Malik is still being an asshole and says, that he’ll use it for toilet paper as he tosses the money to his assistant to put in the bathroom so that he can wipe his ass with it later. T.T. tells Malik that he is a real life pig as he turns and walks toward the door. *Was that the last we’ll see of T.T.? I hope not*

Back to Melanie… Melanie is sitting on the couch looking at  pictures of First Lady Michelle Obama and Justice Sonia Sotamayer on her Ipad as Derwin walks in.  She is working on her speech and begins to give Derwin a taste of it then she goes off on a tangent about how Jaz wanted to speak to the girls about the success she found after being in a rap video. Melanie is really showing her true uppity colors right now. She goes on about how she can’t be a role model for anyone because she was in a music video. When she asks Derwin if Jas is all that he kinda messes himself up by saying that if you’re into the whole exotic big butt big boobs type then yeah but clearly he isn’t because he’s with Melanie. *lmao now that made me laugh!* Melanie then reminds him that he did sleep with her. he weasles his way out of the situation but telling her to keep going with her presentation.

The Saturday of the event… Tasha and Melanie return to find Jaz setting up the food since Melanie put her on refreshment instead of letting her speak to the girls. She then has a fit/mini tantrum because of the food selection. Jaz has some ranch sunflower seeds, Now and Laters, Grape drink,  and pickles. Tasha’s Ghetto ass has no problem with the selection as she reaches for a pickle. Melanie tells her to have the chef bring out a plate of salad dressing and to grab some sparkling water from above the fridge. * Melanie is being a snobby little ass if you ask me.* As jaz is reaching for the sparkling water on top of the fridge Derwin walks into the kitchen. She asks him to hold the step ladder steady so that she doesn’t fall, he nervously agrees. As he’s holding the step ladder her butt is right in his face, Melanie walks in and sees this and when Derwin notices her he almost make Jaz fall as he tries to escape!

At Malik’s pool… Malik and Javon are enjoying the company of some ladies, well Javon is. Malik is still upset about what happened with T.T.  As he gets up to go inside he realizes that he watch is missing and frisks Javon and his little son *yes his little son is at the pool with them and a bunch of half naked women.* His assistant comes back and didn’t or couldn’t do half of the things that he asked her to do. He then says that he’s not sure whether it’s the new house or the new contract but he feels like he can’t trust anyone anymore and that he’s surrounded by takers. She then produces the watch  that he was missing and says that she found it in the elevator. he kicks her out as well.

At the charity event… Melanie is going through her slide show/presentation for the girls. She opens the floor up for questions from the girls. They begin to ask how much some of the things that she has costs and she says that she’s not sure but if they work hard they can one day afford stuff like that of their own. One young lady comes back at her and says that she didn’t work hard she just married a football player. Jaz is setting up the food for the girls when one of them recognizes her from a Neyo video that she did. She tells them that she was just acting and Melanie laughs it off saying that she would hardly call what she was doing acting. *Jaz is in the background looking like she could knock Melanie out!* The girls begin asking Jaz more questions instead of Melanie and it is clear that she is not happy about it. Melanie asks them if they want to know anything else about being a doctor but all they want to know is how is she a real doctor if she doesn’t even practice? Before she can answer one of the girls discovers the Ranch sunflower seeds and they all leave Melanie and gravitate towards the food. After the event the girls are lined up to get an autograph from Jaz and Melanie is pissed. She calls Jaz over to the side and asks her what the hell she’s doing. She tells her that she is leading the girls down the wrong path and how she has the girls thinking it is okay to sleep with everyone and shake their ass in music videos. Jaz asks if this is about Derwin which Melanie denies and says that she is making these girls think that objectifying themselves is the right path to go on. Jaz is quick witted as she compares the two paths. Melanie married a ball player, she married a ball player, she’s a sunbeam and Melanie is a sunbeam, only she’s sitting at the autograph table unlike Melanie. Jaz then calls her a fake insecure doctor that loves breaking down other women to build herself up. *Wow, Melanie needs to pick up her face!!* Tasha then comes behind Jaz and reads Melanie as well about how she treated Jaz and how her past is just, if not more, shady as Jaz’s.

At Malik’s house… Malik is in his strip club room getting drunk as one of the strippers dances on the stage for him. After taking another swig from his bottle he calls T.T. and tries to leave a message for him about him not refilling his prescriptions and how he should be thanking him for sleeping with his girlfriend but fails to do it correctly. When he tries again he gets a busy signal so he grabs his coat and keys and heads out to find T.T. *this cannot end well*

After the charity event… Melanie is having a debriefing after the event with the other sunbeams. she thinks that the event was a success. As they plan for the next event, spicing up their relationships, she asks for volunteers. When no one does she asks Jaz to show them some of her video moves as a way to kind of smooth things over with her.

In the car… Malik is driving and listening to some slow music when he gets pulled over by a cop. Malik hops out of the car and begins walking toward the cop who draws his gun when he sees this. He tells the officer that he is just looking for T.T.’s wing truck and to calm his ass down. The cop tells him that the truck is down by the fireworks show and tells him to get back in the car. He recognizes that Malik is drunk and has his do a breathalyser test. Malik says that he is  Malik El Debarge Wright and he’s not doing a breathalyser test. he begins to walk away because he doesn’t know what a breathalyser is and thinks its some kind of kinky sex thing. As the officer follows and grabs him he pushes the officer back so the office uses his taser gun on him dropping him to the ground and arresting him. The episode ends with pictures of Malik’s mugshot.

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This episode picks up with Tasha at her car one night putting some tings in her trunk. Out of the blue Kelly shows up. As Tasha franticly tries to unlock her door Kelly quickly closes in.  with no other choice, Tasha pepper sprays Kelly but this has no effect as Kelly punches Tasha in the face knocking her out! Before she can hit the ground Tasha wakes up as she was only dreaming.  She decides to call Kelly and have a sit down with her. She apologizes for her behavior and blames it on a case of ‘ a black woman hating on a white woman’. *Her words, definitely not mine! She tries to sound all sincere but if this is the Tasha Mack that we all know she has a trick up her sleeve.* Kelly accepts her apology saying that ‘your people are very emotional but I accept your apology anyway.” They are only playing nice for the cameras but they really did make up.

At the Davis house… After Tasha and Kelly patch things up they head over to see Melanie during her ‘crisis’.  She doesn’t want the camera crew there but they came anyway.  Since they don’t have enough film on Kelly for the week they decide to all take their shirts off so that the camera can’t film them. *really? Really?* anyway she Melanie tells them that the test was wrong and that DJ really is Derwin’s baby. She looks to Kelly for answers for some odd reason.  They give her some bogus advice and then make fun of her.

After practice… Derwin and Malik are leaving the facility and are talking about the situation with him and the baby. Of course Malik has a few jokes . Jason sees them as he is leaving with his things at the same time. He tries to avoid them but there is no way so he just walks faster hoping that they don’t notice him. he stops and talks to them and lets them know that the Sabres have officially cut him. While Jason seems shocked both Malik and Derwin already knew and begin squabbling over what the day on the email about him getting cut said. Jason says that he’ll be okay because he was given a hosting spot on a sports talk show.

At the studio… Jason is doing his show as co host and has nothing but bad things to say about the organization. he is so mad at the organization that he starts to tell everything about them. Like Derwin’s tendency to favor a certain side because of a previous injury. They begin to prod him for more information so he begins to talk about Malik. Chris Webber, his co host tries to stop it but the other co host is eating it up and encourages him to spill more.

Back at the Davis house… Derwin arrives home from practice to find Melanie fixing the hole in the wall that he smashed in when finding out that the baby wasn’t his.  She then tells him that they need to talk.  he interrupts her and apologizes for taking his anger out on her and tells her that he is angry at Janay and not her. Melanie tries to cover for her because she knows the truth but just won’t tell him. He then tells Melanie that she just doesn’t get it because its not in her nature to be lying and deceiving.  *If only he knew* As they hug guess who knocks at the door with a large brown envelope? Yep, Janay!  Derwin goes to the door to answer it but before he can get there Melanie blurts out that she was too afraid to tell you that the test was wrong and that DJ is his son! Derwin has this puzzled look on his face and then goes over to the hole that she just patched up and punches it again.  He then opens the door for Janay and tells her that they need to talk because it’s been an mistake. She gives him the DNA results and says that she will see him in court for visitation and she wants to put him on child support. *way to go Melanie* Melanie keep saying how she wants to fix things ut Derwin tells her that she can’t because she’s the problem as he walks away.

Back at the studio… Jason is on the phone making a date and being just extra whoreish. Malik walks up and throws a handful of condoms at him. Seems that ever since Jason’s comments on air about how he’s having all this sex strangers on the street have been throwing them at him. Jason says that its just entertainment. They then realize that  all of this is because the Sabres let him go. Just Malik is actually give him a compliment and sort of a pep talk about the good years he put in playing ball and the money and accolades that he received Derwin comes up to tell them about his situation with Melanie, the DNA test and Janay. He says that they are over so the first thing Jason advises him to do is contact his divorce lawyer and financial advisor. Malik tells him not to listen to Jason and that he should have had DJ tested a long time ago. * I actually agree with Malik on this one. While I am not a fan of Melanie and I think that what she did is horrible, he should have had the boy tested a long time ago, like when he was born to prove to his wife that the baby was either his or not his.* Now he doesn’t know what to do.

At a club… The show is throwing a welcome party for Jason and Chris Webber is hosting.  The two are on stage and Jason decides to premiere a remix of his infamous “Dip and Pitts” dance. Chris tries to stop him but he does it anyway only embarrassing himself. After a while he realizes that he is  not getting the reaction that he wants and walks off the stage embarrassed.

At the Davis house… As Derwin is returning Melanie is leaving to go stay with Kelly for a few days because she knows that she really messed up and wants to give him some space.  Derwin stops her and says that he has been praying asking God for some answers on their marriage and the situation all day and has come to the conclusion that in order for it o work between them then she has to start doing some things his way.  He then tells her that he doesn’t want to hear another word from her about DJ or Janay and that she has to go to church every Sunday.  She then asks if they will be okay, his response is that all he can tell her is that he is here right now, as he grabs her bag and walk up stairs to end this week’s episode.

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As many of you know almost two years ago the show was cancelled and all of the die hard fans like myself were left hanging.  Well, BET came to the rescue by first picking up the show for syndication and showing reruns and then negotiating a deal to start producing new shows. This is great right? Well sort of. You see BET has a long history of messing things up and from the way that they cut and re edited the series for syndication I did not have my hopes up for them to be able to pull this off. To my surprise they actually did pull it off and put on a great show!

Two Years Later…  The show opens with Derwin pulling up in a chauffeured Maybach to an Essence photo shoot.  Derwin is now the face of Nike and the multi million dollar Boom campaign. The kid is doing big things and has Tasha Mack for a manager and we all know that Tasha does not play as she gives it to the stylist on the set to make sure that she does a good job for her client.  Jason is on TV talking about his disdain for the Sabres organization by comparing them to a plantation, the GM is the overseers and the football field is the cotton fields.  Malik is in the bathroom getting nasty with some young lady ( more on her to come).  Kelly is looking busted as she is walking around town shooting a reality show. To officially start the show Tasha says her famous line ” Game on, bitches!”

At the Essence photo shoot… As Tasha is looking at the photos of Derwin and Melanie she remarks to one of the assistants that “I don’t know about you but that looks like a couple that I’d wanna have sex with” really Tasha Mack really? Janay has come to drop of DJ for the weekend.  The kid is so cute!  Melanie seems to be making the best of the situation as she comes in and speaks to Janay.  They seem cordial as Janay comments on Melanie’s bag and how nice it is. As Derwin and Janay go to the car to get his bag Tasha comes over to put the seed of doubt in Melanie’s head.  She tells her that the baby is too light and that his hair to too straight to be Derwin’s baby.  “Baby mama 0 Wifey 1″.

Meeting with management…  Malik is meeting with the new majority owner of the Sabres.  He throws a number of shots at him for not getting him a good offensive line which caused him to get sacked a lot.  When the new majortiy owner, Roger, comes back by calling him a crybaby he gets upset and thinks that he takes his injuries to be a joke.  Roger assures Malik that he does not joke about money and that he wants to set the team up to win so he stacked the defense and there wasn’t enough cash left for a better offensive line. Malik then gets upset and says that there was enough room for Derwin’s big contract though.  Roger believes that Derwin is the new face of the franchise and gave him the franchise tag.  Before they can get into things any deeper Roger’s wife (the chick that Malik was boning in the bathroom earlier) comes to the table and wisks him away so that they can hop on their G5 and fly up the coast to Hearst castle that he’s rented out for the weekend to celebrate their anniversary.

At the Davis House… Derwin is getting the bath ready for DJ and Melanie insists on helping so that he won’t be late for the Nike Boom event. More on this to come

Benched… Jason is making is premiere on a show called Benched: Sports Talk with Chris Webber and things start off kind of shaky.  Jason takes offense to the intro of ‘future hall of fame hopeful’.  apparently he feels he’s more of a shoe in than a hopeful.  He tells Chris that he is holding out from training camp until he gets the contract and respect that he deserves.  There is a segment in the show called ‘fan of the day’ and guess who it is? Kelly. Yep Kelly is the fan of the day and she calls in the plug her reality show called ‘Ex ballers wives’.  She looks a hot mess and I hope her show fails!

Back to the bath… Melanie is putting on a puppet show for DJ with his wash mitts. During the bath she decides to swab DJ’s mouth and send it down to the lab for testing. The old Melanie that I grew to hate is back.

At the Mack house… Tasha comes home and keeps constantly calling out for her ‘baby’. After a few calls out walks a young guy (BET’s 106 & Park host Terrence J) in nothing but a towel.  They embrace and begin to passionately kiss. She then gets mad because he took shower. I guess she finds stench sexy. She tells him that she wants him to go work out again to get that stench back but instead he opens his towel and they… Well you know the rest.  Moving on!

Back at the Davis house…  Later that day Tasha comes by to see Melanie and show her the shots from the photo shoot. Melanie tells her what she has done. Melanie tries to justify what she did to herself.  Tasha gives her a piece of her mind.  She tells her that when she met Derwin in college and saw that he had a chance to go pro she latched on to him, then almost lost it when he cheated on her and had a baby with Janay but she still got him back.  When she did get him back his career was almost over so she called up Tasha Mack to help resurrect it because she didn’t give up Johns Hopkins and get disowned by her parents for nothing to come of it.  Tasha did just that and resurrected Derwin’s career, now he’s the face of the Nike Boom campaign and their on the cover of Essence.  The only problem is that one little spec on the corner of the picture. Janay and DJ. As she is about to go in further the phone rings. It is the result of the DNA test. Tasha tells her to ignore the spec, it’s still a pretty picture.

Cluck Truck… T.T. is no longer working for Malik (though somebody should tell Malik) and has his own business now.  He owns the Cluck Truck. a mobile restaurant serving wings.  Malik and the owner’s wife pull up to a construction site where the truck is located for the day to get some wings and see T.T. about updating the contacts in his phone and getting his stuff out of storage.  T.T. has quit like 6 times already and he still has him doing his odds and ends.  When T.T. tells him its not a good idea to be out in the open with the owner’s wife he tells him that it is a part of his plan.  T.T. warns him that if he gets caught then his career is over, but Malik believes that the rules don’t apply to him and leaves. Without paying of course.

Later on in the day… Melanie and Tasha are out walking around. Melanie is on the phone with Kelly trying to get some advice on what she should do now that she has the results. Why she’s asking Kelly of all people for advise I have no idea. And guess what folks? After all this time, the baby is NOT Derwin’s according to the (preliminary) DNA testing.  Kelly was recording the conversation for her stupid reality show as they talked. When Melanie asks her if she is taping the convo she tells the crew to stop.  Tasha then chimes in about how Kelly can’t be trusted which starts a argument between Kelly and Tasha as Tasha snatches the phone from Melanie and yells at Kelly.  Kelly blames Tasha for breaking up their marriage by introducing her to that black woman two years ago.  Kelly tells her to meet her at market and 4th street so she can beat her up again then hangs up the phone.  Of course Tasha is not going anywhere near Kelly for fear of getting killed.  They get back on topic and she tells Melanie that she needs to tell Derwin the truth.

Back at the Davis Household… Derwin comes in from training camp to find Melanie in the kitchen pouring a glass of wine.  They exchange pleasantries and move to the couch.  When Derwin asks her how her day was she tells him that she swabbed DJ and had it sent to the lab for a paternity test.  Derwin is extremely pissed and tells her that he doesn’t care and doesn’t want to know the results. As far as he’s concerned DJ is his son.  As he walks away to go upstairs, Melanie then says that he should probably know that DJ is not his. She tells him that they needed to know the truth and that Janay just wants what they have. Derwin turns around slowly, looks at Melanie  and then takes out his anger by punching a hole through the wall before walking away.

In a club bathroom… Malik and the owner’s wife are getting it in on the sink with the door locked.  management comes and bangs on the door for them to unlock it.  these fools end up breaking the sink.  Eventually management comes in. Malik calls T.T. to come and work things out.  T.T. reasons with the club manager not to press charges and to let their insurance guy work some magic and for him to circulate the rumor of Malik getting freaky and breaking the sink so that his club could be even more famous.  The manger agrees with T.T. and doesn’t press charges. T.T. asks him why he’s acting so crazy with this girl but Malik tells him that it’s just casual.  Malik gets mad at T.T.’s questioning and tells him to clean up the watery mess. When T.T. stands up to him and tells him to stop bossing him around because he’s not his assistant anymore, Malik reminds him that he gave him the money to start that Cluck Truck business.

At the park… Kelly is dropping off Brittany to Jason and he tells her to stop the stupid reality show that she has going on.  She refuses claiming that she is free and that she’s won.

At Tasha’s House… Dante (Terrence J) walks in with some good news. He’s going to be working Malik’s party as well so they can go together as a couple.  Tasha quickly puts the brakes on that.  She feels that she’s not ready for that and that they should just keep things the way they are for now.

On the porch… Derwin is talking to DJ as they wait on Jenay to come. He is pointing out all the features that they have in common.  He then goes on to tell him to watch out for women so that he doesn’t fall for the same ‘banana in the tailpipe’ trick that he fell for. Janay then walks up and apologizes for having him waiting and being late.  She was at a shoe sale.  he comments on her purse and says it looks familiar. She tells him it’s the same as the one Melanie has but in a different color ( the same bag from the Essence photo shoot that she was admiring, and remember Melanie saying how she wants what they have, even down to the bag). As she is going on about how the bag looks better on her Derwin interrupts her and asks if DJ is his. Janay has a look of shock and awe written all over her face.

At the hospital… Kelly and her camera crew are coming out as Melanie is about to go in.  Kelly tells her that she went in to see find out what the most expensive procedure is and Melanie is there to find out about the residency program since Derwin is still not talking to her. Kelly tells her that she should fight for her marriage and try to work it out.

At Malik’s video game party…  Malik is going on and on about how great he is when Jason asks him if he’s not afraid of the cover curse.  Malik is oblivious to this so Jason rattles off 5-6 examples of players that have been affected by the curse.  He even goes on to say that he turned it down 5 years in a row because of it.  Malik calls him jealous and angrily gets up to leave, as he is walking by the bar he overhears Tasha saying that even Derwin turned it down because of the curse. Dante has his assistants working the room and making sure that everything is taken care of when Tasha walks up to speak to him. Sheree (from Real Housewives of Atlanta) walks up to him, when he asks how she is she calls him a pig. then another older woman walks up and asks when Dante is going to buy her a drink. Tasha confronts him on the pattern that begins to form.  She doesn’t want to be a part of his freaky old lady fetish or stable full of Golden Girls.  He explains to her that it is not like that before she walks away.  Malik finds T.T. and his girlfriend talking at the bar and tells him to take him home because the party is wack and he’s too drunk to drive. T.T. refuses because he’s not his assistant anymore and he needs to be outside with his wing truck when the party ends to make some money.  His girlfriend, Allison, suggests that she take him home because she has to leave anyway to do some work on her dissertation.

At the Davis House… Melanie is sitting at the table filling out residency paperwork but rips it up just before Derwin comes in the door.  When she hears the chime of the door alarm she prepares herself for another round of the silent treatment only to find that Derwin’s eyes are red from all the crying that he has been doing.  He asks her once again if the baby is his and she says no.  They then embrace as he begins to cry.

At the Mack House… Tasha is home with her feet kicked up watching TV when Dante walks in. He begins to question her on why she is acting the way she is when she was the one that wanted to keep it casual when he wanted to get serious.  She goes on to tell him that she thought she was special. She thought that he was running around with a bunch of young girls and she was the only older woman that he was dating. He tells her that she just needs to forget about his age and admit that she has feelings for him.  She finally does admit it and he tells her that she’s the one he connects with and that she’s the one in his heart.  As he gets up to leave they embrace and things seems to have worked themselves out.

At a hotel/spa… Kelly is still shooting for her God awful reality show, this time she has 3 other fake friends to tag along.  She’s recapping what she told Jason at the park when she was dropping Brittany off when the producer notices Jason coming in.  Jason walks in suited up with a date on his arm and asks Kelly’s ‘friends’ if they want to join him and his date in their private cabana for some champagne and manicures.  Of course they all go leaving Kelly at the table looking like a fool.  She tells Jason that it’s immature and desperate of him to try and steal her show.  He then reminds her that he IS the show.  Even the camera crew leaves her to join Jason in the private cabana.

At Malik’s estate… T.T. comes by to see Malik the next day after the party. As he’s walking through the house looking for Malik he finds him in the Jacuzzi with the owner’s wife again. As he is about to leave and apologizes for interrupting, his girlfriend Allison pops up from under the water only to see T.T. and sink back under again. T.T. is in shock and all Malik has to say is ‘well I told you to take me home didn’t I’. Damn Homie!! That is so foul on Malik and Allison’s part!

At The Davis’… During breakfast Melanie gets a call from her friend down at the testing clinic. Seems there’s been some sort of mix up or mistake and DJ is actually Derwin’s baby! BOOM!!! Apparently she had been running on no sleep and screwed up so she ran it a few times and each time it came back positive for Derwin’s baby. As she hangs up Derwin asks who is was and she says nobody just some Sunbeam stuff. Derwin walks away leaving a shocked Melanie alone in the kitchen bringing the scene and the show to an end for the week.

This new season has started out surprisingly well. I must say that BET has done a good job of keeping things going and picking up almost right where we left off. I’m not feeing Kelly at all and me and Med School aka Melanie have never seen eye to eye. At first I thought was was this bourgeois chick that got on my nerves and then as the seasons went on she seemed to become desperate and clingy. Not a good look. By the end of last season she seemed to be bitter and very vindictive. I guess she’s picking up right where she left off in the bitter and vindictive department.  Overall this season looks promising from as much as you can get from the first episode. I’m glad T.T. is doing his own thing now too.

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One of the greatest acappella groups of all time (Boyz II Men) ushering in one of the newest and one day greatest accapella groups (Committed). These guys are so talented! the majority of the acts were great but these guys deserved to win they were the best!I have posted all of their performances below:

Motown Philly - Boyz II Men featuring Committed 

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This love – maroon 5

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Too late to Apologize – One Republic

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Every Breath you Take  – The Police

 

Let’s Stay Together – Al Green

 

Usher medley

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This episode starts off with Finn talking about how he was hungry a week earlier and since his mom wasn’t home he decided to make a Grilled cheese sandwich on the George Foreman Grill.  When he opened the grill he noticed that the burn marks on the bread resembled Jesus. Since he was still hungry he cut the sandwich in half preserving the Jesus imaged side while eating the other piece. Even though he’s not really religious, he decided to throw caution to the wind and pray to the Grilled Cheesus.  He prayed for the team to win their first football game and in return he will make sure that the Glee club honors Him. Guess what? Yep, he uses Artie as a battering ram and they win the game.

At Kurt’s house… Kurt brings his dad some breakfast at the shop. It’s all healthy as opposed to his usual breakfast of champions, a coke and 2 slim jims. Kurt then lectures him about being healthy. His dad then  reminds him of Friday night dinner is going to change because Finn’s mom has to work the night shift. Kurt makes up another excuse as to why he can’t attend.  His dad then lectures him about the tradition of the Friday night dinners and how traditions are sacred. Kurt still doesn’t want to come because of his prior plans. His dad then tells him that he’s disappointed in him.

In the choir room… As the bell rings Finn decides that he has something to say. He gets up in front of the group and begins to tell them about his newfound love for Jesus.  He wants the group to pay tribute to Jesus this week. Kurt is against it because he feels that they don’t think highly of gays or women. Mercedes and Quinn think it’s a great idea.  Finn looks and thinks that Puck has a problem with Jesus but he doesn’t. Puck’s issue is with people that use “J-Money” to cramp everyone else’s style. He goes on to make a great point that true spirituality is about enjoying the life that you have been given but ruins it when he says he sees Jesus every time he makes out with a new chick. When Rachel calls his last idea stupid, he then decides to show her that it is not stupid by singing “Only The Good Die Young” by Billy Joel. This continues his streak of only singing songs by Jewish artists. To appease everyone Will decides that the selections don’t have to be about Jesus but spirituality.

At Mr. Hummel’s shop… Kurt’s dad is talking with a customer when he begins to have some chest pains and collapses on the floor. Emma is alerted at the school and she runs to tell Will. They find Kurt in his French class and inform him of what is going on.

At the Hospital… Kurt, Will and Emma are nervously waiting in the lobby when the doctor comes in to deliver the news. His father had a heart attack and is in a coma.  They go in to see him laid out. Will and Emma give Kurt a moment alone with his father. Kurt then holds his father’s hand and tells him to squeeze his hand if he can hear him while fighting back his tears.

Later that night… Finn is once again praying to the Grilled Cheesus. This time he asks that He do him a favor since he’s dedicating a week of his musical life to him, and let him touch Rachel’s boobs.

The next day in class… As they all file into the choir room they each give Kurt well wishes and condolences. Brittany even gives him a book report that she did on heart attacks so that he can give it to the doctor. It was knocked down a letter grade because she wrote it entirely in crayon.  Finn comes storming in wondering what happened and why he was the last to know about Kurt’s dad. Finn is upset because that is the closest to a dad that he feels he will ever have and that he thought that they were sort of a family. he was more upset because he found out from overhearing it in gym class.  Will comes in to start class and is interrupted by Mercedes. She goes on about how she has been struggling with what to say to Kurt about his situation all day.  she just couldn’t seem to find the right words to say so she looks to music. With the help of Tina and Quinn she performs “I Look To You“  by Whitney Houston. After he beautiful performance he thanks her and then tells her that he doesn’t believe in God. They are all shocked. He thinks that God is like Santa Claus for adults and kind of a jerk. He thinks this because he feels that God made him gay and then has his followers mock and pick on him everyday.  He then tells them that he appreciates his thoughts but does not want his prayers.

In Principal Figgins’ Office… Sue ratted Will out for the Jesus week tribute and wants him to stop. Principal Figgins thinks that children should be able to profess whatever religion they choose. According to Sue this is only allowed at the BET awards but not school.

Later that night… Finn and Rachel are talking in his room. Apparently his newfound love for Jesus has affected her. When she turns 25 and has won a bunch of Tony’s and is ready to have intercourse so that she can have babies that they will be raised Jewish. He agrees.  They begin kissing and as they lay down on the bed, she allows him to touch her boob. The second prayer has been answered.

In Sue’s office… She is trying to get the scoop out of  Brittany and Juggs the clown (Santana) about what’s going on in the Glee club. They tell her about how Kurt is bummed about what happened. Brittany made him a card that says ” heart attacks are just  from loving too much”. She finds out from them that Kurt is not into God.  Next thing Kurt is in her office and she is asking him about how his father is doing.  She wants him to file a complaint against Will for trying to inject Jesus and religion into his curriculum. Since she can’t go to the school board to complain without a student she asks him to come with her.

The next day… Emma barges into Sue’s office while she is on the phone with Secretary of State Hilary Clinton. She goes off on Sue about how she is using Kurt during his situation with his dad to get back at Will. She asks her to tell her what horrible thing happened in her life to make her such a tyrant. So Sue begins to tell her that when she was a little girl she looked up to her big sister. As she got older she noticed that people always picked on her or laughed at her. She preyed every night that she would get better but nothing changed. She continued to pray but after a while she thought that no one was listening. She believes that the praying and  all is just a fantasy and to ask someone to believe in it is cruel. She thinks that it is arrogant to have someone believe in God and if they don’t then they are going to Hell. Then after that she kicks Emma out of her office.

In the choir room… Tina is complaining that the last week they were too sexy and now too religious, they can’t win. Brittany says that now she knows what Miley (as in Cyrus) feels like. They are all upset because they can’t sing the songs that they chose and blame Kurt because he sided with Sue and went to the board.

In the locker room… Finn is once again praying to Grilled Cheesus.  This time he wants to be starting quarterback again so that he can be most popular that way he can spread the word of Jesus to a larger audience.  As he’s praying Puck comes in. He asks him not to tell anyone. Puck then tells him that he went to temple and prayed for Kurt’s dad then asks him what he prays for.

Later that night… Rachel and Finn are at the park because she doesn’t want anything to come between her and God. She then lights a candle and sings “Papa Can You Hear Me?” as sung by Barbara Streisand in Yentl. She is suddenly transported from the park to the hospital room as she now serenades Kurt’s father.  The other members are by his bedside while Kurt looks on from outside of the room. Kurt then comes into the room to stop them from praying for his dad. He has invited a Sikh to come in to perform acupuncture in hopes of stimulating his dad’s brain.

At the football game… During the huddle Finn gives some advice to Sam on a play and they decide to go with it. Coach Bestie automatically realizes that they changed the play. Sam ends up getting hurt because Finn said that the cornerback had been cheating or sliding right but during the play he somehow ended up on the left side of the field.. The cornerback tackles Sam and dislocates his shoulder making Finn the starting Quarterback once again. Third prayer answered.

In the choir room… The guys are congratulating Finn on winning his starting job as well as his second win.  Kurt comes in to share some news. he thanks everyone for their kind emails but his dad’s condition remains the same. He feels he needs to express himself so he has prepared a song to perform. He then goes on to tearfully and emotionally sing “I Wanna Hold Your Hand” by The Beatles.

In the hall… Mercedes comes to Kurt to tell him that she feels that he is closing his friends off. She then invites him to church service with her because they are going to dedicate the service to his dad. At first he declines but then reconsiders.

In the counselor’s office. Finn is confessing to Miss Pillsbury that he is the reason that Sam got hurt. He goes on to tell her about how he prayed to the Grilled Cheesus for three things and they all came true. She looks totally shocked as he tells her about Grilled Cheesus and the special powers. She then justifies why the three things happened. One, they won because they have an actual coach this year. Two, Rachel was emotionally open because of all the emotional talk that they were doing and let him touch her. Three, Sam got hurt because the linebacker that hit him is on steroids and got expelled because they found out that he was 23 years old.  She then tells him that the Grilled Cheesus has no special powers and that god doesn’t speak through it. He is crushed. As he walks back to class he sings “Losing My Religion” by REM. He ends the song back in the choir room.  All the others are shocked because he is allowed to sing a song about losing his religion at school but they can’t sing about having religion while at school.  Finn then goes on to explain that earlier he thought that God was looking over him but now he’s not sure.

At Mercedes’ Church… Kurt and Mercedes walk in and she escorts him to his seat before joining the choir on the stage.  She then announces to the church that Kurt’s dad is not doing well and that she would like to pray for Kurt and his dad. They dedicate “Bridge Over Troubled Water” by Aretha Franklin. This touching selection moves the congregation as well as Kurt.

At the Nursing Home… Sue is playing checkers with her big sister and asks if she believes in God. When she says that she doesn’t her sister tells her that God never makes mistakes and that she will pray for Sue.

At the hospital… Kurt is talking to his father about a flashback that he had while in church with Mercedes. He apologizes for not letting the group pray for him and that even though he doesn’t believe in God he believes in his dad and what they have. it’s sacred to him. as he begins to cry he grabs his father’s hand. His father squeezes it back and comes out of his coma. The final selection for the night is “One of Us by Joan Osborne.  The group performs this in the auditorium as Sue looks on from the back. Will tells her the the Kids really wanted to do the song and asks if she plans to report him.  She says no, ending this week’s episode on a good note.

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So this episode begins with New Directions in the choir room and Will beginning a new lesson on music. This time he wants to do easy listening which is not well received by the group. Adult contemporary is not their thing. Kurt then tells him that there is a facebook group with all of 5 members that wants them to perform a song by Britney Spears at the fall assembly. Will is not cool with this because he does not think that she is a good role model.  The others try to explain to him why they like her. Brittany doesn’t want to do Britney Spears because her name is also Brittany Spears. You see her middle name is Susan and her last name is Pierce, Brittany S. Pierce or Brittany Spierce. She then goes on to say how she has lived her whole life in Britney’s shadow and that she will never be that talented or famous. She sees the Glee club as a place where she can escape the torment.

After class… Will goes to talk to Emma about Brittney Spears and she agrees with the kids that Brittney is a good role model. She then goes on to say how Will is uptight and her new boyfriend Carl is helping her loosen up. The other day while grocery shopping he told her to buy both the Red and Green Grapes and then later they mixed them both together and ate them all at once.  As she is going on about the story Carl (John Stamos) comes in unexpectedly. He has come to take Emma to lunch. He greets Will and before they can get into a conversation his phone buzzes with a message that he has to perform a root canal on some kid. As a sign of Will loosening up he invites Carl to come speak to the glee club.

In the Hall… Finn is at his locker when two guys from the football team come up and snatch his Letterman Jacket away from him. They then rip it in half infuriating Finn to the point where he swings on one of them. As they begin posturing before they fight Artie comes up to apologize about getting him kicked off the team. They decide not to fight Finn because Artie is in the way and they can’t fight a crippled kid because of their “moral code”. Coach Beistly looks on from a distance.

At Glee practice… Carl is giving a demonstration on brushing properly and has them all chew a capsule that will turn any of the plaque that they may have missed blue. Everyone’s teeth remain white except for Rachel, Artie and Brittany. Rachel is totally embarrassed by this and hides her mouth, Artie says that he can’t see the mirror so he didn’t know and poor Brittany doesn’t brush at all and rinses her mouth out with soda after she eats because she was “pretty sure that Dr. Pepper was a dentist”. Carl sets her up with some deep cleaning.

At the dentist… Brittany tells Carl that the room looks like the one on that spaceship where she got probed. Carl goes on to tell her that she has the worst set of teeth that he has ever seen. She has cavities on every single tooth in her mouth.  He puts her under some general anesthesia, turns on some Pandora internet radio and begins to clean. The station begins to play “Slave” and Brittany begins to drift off and dream that she is really Britney Spears while acting out the video.  This is by far the best performance of the night! She can really sing and dance! I mean she killed this performance.

In the hall… Finn and Rachel are walking down the hall. Finn is still a little down because he is no longer on the football team and Rachel seems happy because now she is the only thing that matters and makes him feel good in his life. And she admits this to him. Santana walks by and says that she dresses like one of the bait girls from ‘To catch a predator’ with Brittany chiming in that she is more talented than Rachel. Finn begins to laugh but Rachel wanted him to defend her. He walks off and says that Santana is right and he’s just trying to be honest. Which is what she said to him a few seconds earlier when she admitted to not caring that he wasn’t’ on the football team anymore.

The next day.., Brittany is back at the dentist to get the rest of the 68 cavities in her mouth taken care of and this time she brings Santana. Even though Santana’s teeth are perfect she wants to go under anesthesia like Brittany did. Carl objects at first but then agrees and only  does a deep whitening for her. while under the anesthesia they both have Britney Spears fantasies. This time they perform “Me Against The Music“. At the end of the fantasy Britney Spears appears and tells the Glee Brittany that she is really sweet.

At Glee rehearsal… Will is still going on about Christopher Cross when Brittany interrupts him to say that from now on she demands to have every solo in glee club. Everyone is shocked! She tells of her Britney fantasy and that how she is more talented then everyone. “It’s Brittany… Bitch”. After Will again declines Kurt goes on a tantrum about how Will is not letting them do something that they really want to do. Will again, tells him to stop but Kurt continues and then ends his tirade by yelling that he needs to learn to  loosen up! Will calmly and shockingly tells him to meet him at the principal’s office.

At the dentist… Carl is giving Will an exam and they decide to have a talk about what’s going on. Carl tells him to back off and asks him how it would feel if he did the same thing to him. He agrees to back off. Carl tells he that he needs to loosen up and gives him a piece of candy. he then tells him that he was once just as uptight until one day he decided to let loose and it changed his life.  As Will is leaving he sees Rachel in the waiting room. She is reading the Unauthorized biography of Britney Spears and drinking herbal tea in preparation of her appointment.  When she is put under the anesthetic her Britney fantasy is of her singing “ Hit Me Baby One More Time“.

The next day…  Rachel comes down the hall. She is dressed as Britney Spears was in the “One More Time” video and is getting all kinds of attention from other guys. Finn doesn’t like it because he feels that it isn’t fair that gets all of this attention yet  she made him feel bad for wanting to play football.

Outside in the parking lot… Will is showing Emma his new car that he bought as a way to show that he is a free man! Only thing is, it’s the same car that Carl has. As he takes her for a spin, Terri shows up in the path! She tells him that he can’t buy anymore big ticket items because when he comes to his senses and they get back together he doesn’t want him to have blown all of their savings.

In Glee rehearsal… Santana gives Rachel a compliment on her new ‘style’ and she explains that Britney Spear’s music helped to feel more confident. As she is droning on about it Sue comes to have a word with Will.

In the Teacher’s lounge… Sue explains that she heard that they are doing a Britney Spears number.  She doesn’t like it and she wants him to stop them. Once he sees how much Sue doesn’t like this he puts a little smirk on his face.

In the hall… Britney Spears make a quick appearance as a Cheerio talking to Brittany and Tina and Artie rolls up. She tells Tina that she is a fool for breaking up with him. Tina agrees and begins to apologize. She’s sorry but he’s stronger. This leads to Artie performing “Stronger“, on the football field in a uniform with Finn and Puck, while he’s still in the wheelchair. they inter-cut between shots of him performing on the field and working out in the weight room. Apparently during this time he was under the anesthesia as well because after the song he awakes in the doctor’s office.

In the locker room… Finn is getting ready to run some laps so that he can get into shape in order to get back on the team and Artie wants to go as well. When he tells him no Artie tells him of his vision at the dentist office. He is still delusional enough to think that he can be on the team. Out of no where Coach comes out and puts Artie on the team.

In the Choir room…  Artie and Finn are telling about how they are back on the team when Will walks in to give them some good news. He has decided to let them do Britney Spears at the homecoming assembly, not only that but he is going to perform with them. a look of utter shock and disgust is on everyone’s face.

In the locker room… Finn is getting ready dressed when Rachel walks in. She tells him how she respects his needs and will do anything to make him feel safe and happy. She only says that because she wants him to quit football. She only thinks that the relationship will work is if they are both losers. He assures her that during the first game he will score a touchdown then point to her so that everyone knows that she is his girlfriend. This is not good enough. She wants him to choose between her and football.

At the Assembly… Will sees Emma and walks up to her and tells her that he is doing the number with the girls. Becky runs up to Sue and tells her that she just found out that they are doing Britney Spears, putting Sue on high alert. Principal Figgins opens the assembly with an announcement about tetanus shots. He introduces the New directions as fresh off of their last place finish at regionals which gets him a sad clap before they come out to perform”Toxic“. This performance whips the crowd into a frenzy! This is the second best performance of the night. Jacob the gossip blogger gets so wound up that he grabs the butt of who he thinks is a girl in front of him only it’s a guy. The guy turns around and punches him. This prompts Sue to think that its a “Britney Spears riot”! She pulls the fire alarm just as New Directions finishes the song. The bell sends all the kids scattering which truly begins a riot of teens running up and down the school halls.

In the teacher’s lounge… The next day Sue comes up to Will to let him know that her spinal cord was ruptured during a ‘sex riot’. he tells her that she caused the riot and not the Britney Spears music. She hires Gloria Alred as her lawyer as she plans to sue him for damages. Next he tries to explain to Emma that he knows how it is inappropriate to do the music with the kids. She explains that she just wants him to relax not change who he is.

In the hall… Quinn comes up to Finn and says that they should be back together now that she is the head cheerleader and he’s back on the team. He turns her down and asks her to respect his relationship with Rachel.  When they part she goes to Rachel and tells her what he said and congratulates her for winning him. Rachel put Quinn up to say this to see what Finn’s response would be.

In the choir room… Will comes into the room and Rachel has a song that she wants them to share. He thinks that it is a Britney Spears song and stops her to tell them that Britney is cool and all but is just not what they are about. She actually has a different song in mind. This song is an adult contemporary from their original assignment before the whole Britney thing. She dedicates the number to Finn and admits that she was wrong for trying to control him. She then begins to perform the final song of the night,  “The Only Exception” by Paramore.

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So last season there was a whole heap of things going on. Quinn had a baby, Rachel was dating the lead singer from the rival group who then joined their group only to try and tear it apart. Sue Sylvester hated them  but in the end grew to somewhat love them as she voted for them to place first in regionals. Will got divorced, fell for Ms. Emma only to have that relationship fizzle and fall apart.  The group has been repeatedly threatened by the principal of being disbanded only for Sue to save them. I think that’s about it so let’s jump right into this new season shall we:

This season opens with Jacob shooting a video of “Glee’s Big Gay Summer’. First up is Rachel and Finn. She is fixing Finn’s clothes as Jacob asks about rumors that she is difficult to work with. She then hijacks the interview with her controlling ways just to say that she is controlling.

Next on the list is Mr. Scheuster. Jacob catches him in the choir room and asks him how he feels about the latest rumor that their song selection sounds like it comes from a Drag Queen’s Ipod.  After he gets over the initial shock his response is that he tries to do something for everybody with 25% show tunes, 25% hip hop, 25% classical rock before Jacob interrupts with “100% gay”!

After that, there’s Puck (he cut the Mohawk) he hits him with the baby issue saying that the rumor is that he spent his summer pool cleaning money on a vasectomy. he admits that it is true. He then ends the interview when it is rumored that he was suffering from depression because he isn’t over Quinn.

After humiliating Puck it’s on to Quinn and the two ditsy cheerleaders. He asks Quinn how her life has changed since she gave birth to her bastard child? She says that she’s happy to be back and less hormonal so no more crying.

He tracks down Tina and the other Asian kid *That’s his name on the show “other Asian Kid”. Remember first season?* and asks about the rumor that they are dating.  They get offended and say that its racist to think that just because they are Asian,then they are seen holding hands as they turn the corner. Coming from around the same corner is a dejected Artie as he has apparently seen Tina and her new boyfriend.

Kids apparently don’t like when Mr Schu raps and have started a forum on Jacob’s blog about it. When he catches up with Kurt but he refuses to answer any questions or comment. After returning from hiding in the bathroom, Kurt  has a message for the people that have stuff to say about him on the blog. Man up and say it to his face. As soon as he finishes he gets hit with a cherry Slur-pee right in the face!!

And all that was in the first 4 minutes!!!! This is going to be a long episode *Takes a sip of Moscato then cracks knuckles* Okay let’s get started!

So this episode is all about auditioning some new members for the Glee club. Opening to a wall filled with different clubs and activites with people signing up for different things. No one has signed the New Directions audition list with is adjacent to a large sign that reads “CHEERIOS TRYOUTS: NO FATTIES”.  Sue walks up and asks Will why he’s so glum as they stand back and watch the kids sign up for various events.  she asks if he is worried that no one has signed up. Apparently you don’t have to really audition for the Glee club just sign up. Sue thinks that is wherein the problem lies. No competition. The girls trying out for Cheerios wraps around the corner. She then tells him as her old school skytel pager goes off to alert her that it’s time to feed her gimp that she likes being friends with him because he makes destroying Glee club easy because he’s doing a great job of it all by himself. They then go in to see Principal Figgins.

In Principal Figgins office… Sue is heated because she has to cut her beloved Cheerios budget, and the Glee budget is getting cut by 10% as well. As they are giving it to Figgins the newest member of the faculty says something.  Apparently the best way to get alumni donations is through a solid athletic department so the money from their programs will be transferred to the athletic department. Sue asks who this person is and SHE responds* as she stands toe to toe with Sue* that she is the new Football coach, Shannon Beiste *pronounced Beast, mainly because she looks like a beast* Apparently Coach Tunaka had a nervous breakdown. Sue tells her that “A female football coach is like a male nurse; a sin against nature” and no one comes into her house and steals. Seems Coach Beiste is not one to back down from a challenge as she responds with “do not get in a panther’s business lady, you’re all coffee and no omelet”. That doesn’t make any sense to Sue. Will then redirects them back to the topic at hand, but she is adamant that it should have been more than just a 10% cut.*She is going to be a worthy opponent for Sue*

Later in the Choir room… Will is reading some comments about them from Jacob’s blog like “Glee is a giant ball of suck”. Kurt and the others stop him and let him know that they don’t care what the others think of them. They feel that they are a family. The problem is that they are close but no one wants to join. They are down one person because some kid named Matt transfered and now they only have 11 people. In order for them to beat Vocal Adrenaline in Nationals he wants a larger group. Rachel then jumps up and agrees with Mr. Scheu by repeating everything that he just said *dork*. Finn *of course* agrees and falls in line behind Rachel *no surprise there* Their plan is to show the other students how cool it is to be down with them and go to nationals in New York by doing the song of the year “Empire State of Mind” by Jay Z and Alicia Keys New Directions style. *Umm this was one of the wackest performances I have seen them do! It’s right up there with Kurt’s “House is not a home” from last season! I’m just sayin’* the best and most believable part was Puck and Mercedes. these two killed, the others *in my Borat voice* ehhh not so much. Okay it wasn’t the worst I’ve ever heard but it was not the best. I’m a former Show Choir kid so I kinda know how different it sounds when you rearrange a hip hop or R&B song. There’s really no way to do it right without it sounding corny or weird.  so anyway, after this stirring *insert sarcasm* performance still no  one signs up.  There are some promising kids nodding their heads but still no takers.

In Sue’s Office… Will walks in to talk to her about the sign in sheet being defaced and they end up hatching a plan to get rid of Coach Beiste.

Finn is in the locker room posting some Glee club audition posters that he designed. As he was posting them he hears the new transfer student singing Poison’s hit “ Every Rose Has It’s Thorn. Finn leaves the locker room without saying anything because, well the guy was naked in the shower.

Rachel is posting flyers for auditions in the bathroom when a young girl walks in.  She approaches her because she saw her singing along in the courtyard when they were performing. She begins talking to her but when the young lady asks her what she says *because she has her Ipod on* Rachel assumes that this Asian girl doesn’t speak English and begins speaking slowly and louder in broken English like the people in the Chinese restaurant when you place your order. *why do people do that? I hate that!* Turns out that she is an exchange student from the Philipines and that she speaks perfect English. Rachel encourages her to try out so that she can stand in the background and sway while Rachel does solo’s. After her racial epitaph she walks away to hang some more flyers when sunshine

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