Black Vs White We Off That – Relationship Edition

*Clearing my throat as I step up onto my soapbox and tap the Microphone… Tap Tap Tap…* Ahem, excus.. Is this on? Excuse me? Can you guys hear me in the back? Sound cool? Cool ’cause I have something to say and I need all yall to hear it.”

Last night I was responding to a status update on twitter about interracial dating. I won’t get into all the details but one of the comments that this one girl left said and I quote

“i have a problem with black men who date white women bc they feel as tho they dont want to deal with black women, like their mommas or sisters arent black. that is what pisses me off. Now when black women go to white men, thats because we have exhausted all of our possibilities. which is why im lookin for a chad tatum..looll..and what gets me is when they are with their girls and lookin @ me..no baby dont look over here..u like white girls..”

Now you know I had to respond back with this

“it might not have anything to do with your race. I’m just sayin’… interracial dating is fine with me as well. Its a preference. I do find it funny that if a black man dates a white woman then something’s wrong or he thinks less of black women but when a black woman dates a white man it’s because she’s “exhausted all of our possibilities’”? C’Mon son GTFOHWTBS!! for real! That’s the same as saying black women date white men b/c they don’t want to deal with black men. Same thing! Who you choose to date or not date is a preference and everyone has a right to choose who they want to date as well as not date. The whole black vs white, we off that!”

Of course she quipped back with some more nonsense but my father always told me to never argue with fools because people can’t tell from afar who’s who.  This conversation got me thinking and you know when I think only bad things can come of it! Anyway, obviously this young lady was raised to think that she can only date black men and that something is wrong with dating outside one’s own race.  I think when we teach our kids that they can’t date or something is wrong with dating a person of a certain race or religion we are doing them a major disservice.

Growing up I was never told whom I could or couldn’t date. I was always told to date whoever made me happy whether they were Black, White, Hispanic, Asian, Jewish, Muslim, Christian or whatever. It doesn’t matter. I have learned so much by dating and being around people other than what it looked like at my home than I can think of.  Look, there’s nothing wrong with being proud of your race or religion and wanting to stick to that. If that’s your thing then run with it but just know that you are missing out on an entire world of possibilities.  You can learn so much about yourself just form learning from another culture.  I was raised Christian but I have also read the Quran, and thumbed through the Torah with a few of my Jewish friends.  There’s nothing wrong with being open to other religions and cultures.

Now what really had me a little upset with this young lady’s comment was that she feels that the majority of black men that date white women do so because they don’t want to deal with black men (which is very untrue and just a myth that keeps circulating by people like her) yet she feels that black women date white men because they have exhausted all of their possibilities.  That’s the same thing!! She just re-worded it to make it sound good in her favor. Exhausted all of their possibilities? Really? Sounds like those black women don’t want to deal with black men to me. I’m just saying though. Oh and she’s looking for her Chad Tatum,  I assume she meant Channing Tatum.  Foolishness. To limit ourselves is only damning ourselves.  Think about it.

People at times get too hung up on tradition. I do believe traditions are useful and some should be continued and passed on from generation to generation, but only the ones with purpose.  Some traditions were born out of necessity and should be retired. For example, when I was moving out on my own my mom gave me some recipes.  In them I notices that it always said stir with a wooden spoon.  When I asked her  why they all said use a wooden spoon she said that she wasn’t sure and that she got the recipes from my grandmother who got it from her mother.  I then asked my grandmother why I needed to stir all my food with a wooden spoon and she said that I didn’t have to.  When I told her that I saw her and my mom always using one and it was in the recipe book she made me she just laughed.  She was laughing because the only reason why my great grandmother used a wooden spoon was because that was the only spoon she had!  That became a tradition that was passed down for 3 generations or more that was initially born out of necessity that could be retired.

I’m not sure about this young lady’s case but maybe the women in her family dated black men out of necessity and it became a tradition. That tradition was probably started back when it was illegal or literally life threatening to date outside of your race and that was passed on from one generation to the next of how it is supposed to be.  Nowadays that is not the case and that tradition should be retired.  Now the tradition of teaching cultural open mindedness was passed on to me and it shall be passed on to Boogie as he passes it on to his child and so on and so forth.

Stupidity is a tradition that was not born out of necessity but has been passed down from generation to generation and it needs to be retired.  To learn is to grow.

Thanks for your time.

*Drops mic, kicks mic stand then steps down off soapbox and walks off*

Getting Things Done… Later

Okay so I should be doing some homework or reading some chapters in my psych book but I needed to take a quick break to try and clear my mind a bit.

I’ve come to realize that I can at times bite off more than I can chew. I refuse to ask for help so I just plod along and struggle though until I reach the finish line. Right now I am working full time, taking 2 courses that each demand full time student attention, writing paid content for an online company, trying to squeeze in at least 3 day’s work of gym time to help control my sugar levels so that my diabetes won’t get out of hand, and spend quality time with my family.  It’s a lot to take on in just 24 hours.  Even though I am doing well in all these activities and I’m keeping up somehow, it can be overwhelming.

I know that one of my biggest flaws is with time management and procrastination. I mean I will wait until the last possible moment before I do anything and that just leads to a back up of work and that just least to me being stressed about it and then the task ends up taking way longer than necessary.  Ughh. Why can’t I just do things in a reasonable time? I know why, because I’m sort of a perfectionist.  I am never done with anything.  I feel like it could always use ‘one more thing’. If I wait until the last possible moment then I won’t have time to go back and ‘fix’ things. I have to put my best into it at that time and that’s it.  I tried this with a paper that I was doing for class. I started the paper like 2 weeks earlier than normal. I only needed it to be 2-3 pages. By the time I ended up turning it in like 3 weeks later it was 8 pages!, I ended up having to go back and trim and cut it but if I had done it a week early like usual it would have been the correct length and I still would have gotten a good grade.

Besides from being a perfectionist I’m also a procrastinator so my work is never done and it never starts!! I really need to work on the procrastination more than the perfectionism (if that’s even a word. Too lazy to look it up). I mean to try and make something perfect all the time is one thing but to wait until the last possible moment to get it done on top of that is bad business.  I think that the procrastination comes in because I never feel like I’m ‘done’ and that I can  start later and it’ll be okay because I’m good at this or that.  Fooling myself into this false sense of security.  I need to work on a few things but these are the biggest two right now. I graduate in December so I really need to get it together as I switch it into high gear.

Anyway that’s about it for me since my break is over, and now back to my psych reading.

Peace

Sincere

W.O.W. Today Is A New Day

Today is a new day. A new beginning.  Yesterday is gone and Tomorrow is not promised.  Make the most of today.

As we go through life we tend to take things for granted.  Things like the fact that we are even here.  We put off things that could be done now for later or we don’t realize and appreciate the present that is a new day.  Everyday is important and you should strive to live it like it’s your last because you never know, it very well may be.  Yesterday is the past, tomorrow is the unknown future but today is the present, Treat it as such. A present.

Peace

Sincere

Buying Protection

So the above video is just made because I have a camera that I never use so I need to do something about that! Anyway, here’s my story;

I stopped by CVS to pick up a few things and this guy in front of me was buying a bunch of stuff.  I noticed that he kept shifting things around. so when the cashier was ringing the stuff up and moved some chips I saw the condoms.  When I saw them I just looked up and his face was all red and he was looking all nervous.  Why? I don’t know. I mean what’s the big deal about buying condoms? It’s 2010! If you’re having unprotected sex you are a moron so I would proudly display it if that were me but of course it wasn’t me it was this lil fool in front of me.

This had me thinking. Was I embarassed to buy condoms when I was younger? Nope. Never have been nor will I ever be.  If you’re not embarrassed enough to do the do then you shouldn’t be embarrassed to buy protection.

That.is.all

Sincere

Another Day Another Doctor Visit

So here I am at the doctor’s office again. I swear it seems like I spend more time here than I do at my job. I’ve been here like twice a month every month since October. Getting labs, then back for results. I mean its cool because every time I come back he says that everything is fine and I’m progressing right along but geesh, all this back and forth is killing me.

I finally have my diabetes under control and even though I’m type 1 so I need it to survive I only need a small dosage thanks to my exercise and diet regimen.

Remember when I said I was going to do a total overhaul of my diet? Yeah, ummerra that hasn’t totally taken affect yet. I did however cut out sweets as well as fried foods. I need to watch my sugar intake as well as my cholesterol.

Slowly but surely I’m taking my health back to where it should be.

Bring the Ambuhlamps

This had me Dying!!! “Bring the ambulamps”! I have been laughing since I saw this and I still giggle just thinking about it. You can never judge a book by it’s cover! I personally wouldn’t have messed with dude to start, he looks like he don’t play!!

Check it out the video and Skyyjohn’s play by play:

Out With The Old In With The New (Laptop Edition)

This is not a good time for my laptop to start acting the fool! I have some homework that needs to be done, I need to start writing some stuff for this new job, I have some stuff in my amazon shopping cart that I need to buy, and I need to edit a video.

Uggh I just need to stop playing and buy a new one. The problem with that is having to transfer everything from the old one to the new one and re customizing it to my standards. Its definitely going to be a pain but this is the second or third time this month that this laptop has done this to me. The other two times weren’t as severe though.

Me and this laptop have been through the ringer together. Lot of memories but its time for me to move on. Maybe it saw me searching online for a new one this morning, adding it to my shopping cart and bookmarking the site and now out a jealous fit decided to act up. Ya think? I don’t know but whatever the problem is I’m not putting any more money into fixing it. Its time for an upgrade anyway.

40 Days and 40 Nights

So this year I was planning on giving up all forms of social media, ya know twitter, facebook, blogging etc, for lent but I just got an offer for two paid writing gigs that start on the 18th and the 22nd and I’m not turning down a check (and possibly a career change/shift) doing something I love. That puts blogging out. Next up is facebook. Ahh facebook. The gift and the curse! I love keeping in touch with everyone but I hate the new layout. It took me a week to figure out how to logout (its under the accounts tab on the upper right corner) and another 2 weeks to figure out how to see just the status updates (go to friends on the left hand side and the status updates link is under that). I rarely use facebook besides the constant poking. I’ve really cut back on my facebook usage.

Now twitter, that’s a totally different story! I am always connected to twitter. Even if I’m not updating or replying I’m reading all the foolishness and the occasional interesting tweet or link that fills my screen. Twitter is always good for a laugh. To give up twitter will be hard but we all know twitter aint nuttin but da devil!!!

The problem I face is that I have a twitfeed set up that automatically puts a link to my blog whenever I update it. That shouldn’t really count unless I actively or manually go to the site or link something right? Right. I mean its not like I’m going to write something just so that it can post to twitter. That would be crazy right? Right?

Anyway, it came down to facebook or twitter and since I use twitter as the biggest waste of time of the two, plus like I said we all know its the devil, I’ve decided to let twitter go for lent. If you do follow me @sincerethoughts then I’ll check back in with you on April 4th. Until then check me out here or at Youngwritersblock.org. I’m sure I’ll be posting a whole lot more during the next 40 days.

Peace
Sincere

W.O.W. Infectious Love

“He can make me love something just by showing me the energy with which he loves it.” – Heather Armstrong

Have you ever liked something only because someone else says how great it is? Sometimes people can make something sound or look so interesting that you want to be a part of it. This can be a gift and a curse.
The gift is in the ability to see how wondeful something is and how enjoyable it can be. The curse is that it may not be for you.
The love shown for something can be infectious. Similar to a laugh or yawn. One person’s happiness or sadness can carry on to anyone around.

It Takes Two

Okay so a friend hit me up on facebook talking about how her child’s father doesn’t do anything for the child and how trifling he is.  Okay this is not a new occurrence.  As I probe more she tells me that he has 4 other kids by 3 different women and he doesn’t take care of any of them.  me being me, I ask her if she knew about this before she got with him?  She quickly answered yes.  So of course my next question was, if he’s not taking care of the 4 he had before why would you even get into any type of relations with this dude?  I mean am I missing something? If you know he doesn’t take care of his other kids then why would you think he’s going to take care of one more from you? Foolishness.

I just don’t get it. Then once she has a baby with him and he doesn’t do anything to support the child she decides to dog him on facebook via status updates.  I’ll never understand why people put all their business in the status updates and on twitter anyway, but that’s a different post.  whenever I see someone do this I call them on it.  You knew he or she was trifling before you laid down with them all those times but now that you have a child and you see that he’s not doing anything you want to dog him.  I am in no way condoning the guys’ behavior but c’mon son! That’s like you buy a car knowing it has a bad engine then get mad at the person who sold it when it breaks down.  You knew going in that if you got pregnant that it wouldn’t end well!  Get over yourself and move on.

This is not about those guys that changed once the woman gets pregnant.  I know there are plenty of guys that have done that.  This is about the ones that are no good to start with yet women continue to be with them.  They pass up a good guy that will treat them with respect to be with the jerk that treats them like crap.  I guess good guys do finish last. I think women are attracted to that bad boy image. I see it all the time.  Women that have this long list of what she wants in a man, ya know like nice, respectful, neat blah blah.  So you’re thinking okay she wants a good guy bu then when you see her date or boyfriend he’s the total opposite of what she says she wants.  This was so frustrating to me growing up.  I was always taught to treat women with respect so that’s what I did but for a little while when that wasn’t working I went into the bad boy ish phase and treated girls like objects as opposed to the young women that they were.  Funny thing is, I ended up being with more girls as a bad boy pseudo thug then by being a gentleman.  I know this is going in a different direction but it will all come back full circle.  See these same women that are dogging the thug because he got her pregnant with his 5th or 6th child, that he has no intentions of taking care of, are the same women that have this long list of things they want in a man.  Ya know, treats them nice, takes care of them, neat, respectful?

All I can say is that it takes two people to have a baby, and yes he is not doing his part to help raise the child, you were aware of this before you even got serious enough to sleep with him.  Yet you did it anyway, now you want to put all the blame on him.  Is that fair?  No. Is he being fair to you by not taking care of his seed? No.

The bottom line is, people need to be more careful about who they decide to lay down with.  Especially if you know their past history of neglecting their children. We really need to wise up and realize that this doesn’t do anything but hurt the child.  I don’t care what anybody says or how ‘independent’ the woman is a child needs both a mother and a father. A boy needs to learn certain things from a man and a girl needs to learn certain things from a woman.  If I had a daughter and no wife or woman in her life then when she started to have her period, for example, I wouldn’t be nearly as knowledgeable about it as my wife or the woman in my life would be.  I could read a million books but that woman could give her first hand knowledge.  If a boy grows up with his mother and no father or male figure, he is missing out on certain things as well.   I do believe single parents can raise happy, well rounded, adjusted children into successful adults but with that extra male or female figure it makes it a little easier.

Take from this what you may but remember that it takes two to tango and if you knew he wasn’t worth a damn from the jump then you should have kept your legs closed. Period. End of discussion.  Now your child(ren) has to suffer because of your of indiscretions.  Child please.

Peace

Sincere

W.O.W. Open Your Hand

“If my hands are fully occupied in holding on to something, I can neither give nor receive.” – Dorothee Solle

It is fine and understandable to want to hold on to and keep certain things close to our hearts but in order for us to succeed we have to at some point let some of those things go. We tend to miss out on things of importance because our hands are full of less important nonsense. Evaluate your situation and let those things go!

Peace
Sincere

W.O.W. Seeing is Believing

“Absence of evidence is not evidence of absence.” - Dr Carl Sagan

Just because it can’t be proven doesn’t mean that it doesn’t exist.  I look at this as similar to having faith or hope in something.  The very definition of faith is “belief that is not based on proof”.  We tend to believe lots of things that can’t be proven without a reasonable doubt.  How many of you go to church and/or pray all the time to a God that you have never actually seen?  Does that mean that their God doesn’t exist? No. That God or Deity exists to them.  Proof or no proof they believe it to be real.

That’s just my thought…

Sincere

Is It Really Better?

Okay so I decided to do a video as well for this one.

Is it Really Better? from Sincere on Vimeo.

Or

Do you guys really think it’s better to have loved someone and lost them than to have never loved someone at all?  I’m more inclined to disagree with that. I mean I understand that at least you were able to experience the feeling of love but what about the feeling after you’ve lost that love?  That’s something that you wouldn’t have experienced had you not loved in the first place.  I do believe that love is a magical and wonderful feeling but at the same time it can be one of the worst feeling ever!!  Have you ever loved someone more than they loved you or worse have you ever loved someone that you know in a million years will never love you the same way you love them?  I have done both and when I realized it I felt 100 times worse than before I fell in love with them.

I don’t know I guess it’s really all about how you fell in love and how you fell out of love with that particular person.  It has to be on an individual case by case basis.