When All Else Fails…

“It’s okay to lose your pride over love, it’s not okay to lose your love over pride.” – Nana Sincere

When do you know that it’s time to throw in the towel per say?  I hear talk of people saying that you just ‘grow apart’ but do you really grow apart or do those little idiosyncrasies build and fester over time driving you apart? We all have our little things or quirks about our significant other that drive us up the wall but when is enough actually enough? Now I’m not an advocate for divorce but sometimes it’s better to just severe ties, cut your losses and move on. My wife and I have so many married friends that are unhappy. I’m always like why? why be with someone that doesn’t make you happy? I can’t spend the rest of my life, or any time of my life, with someone that doesn’t  make me happy. If I cringe every time I see their face then they must not be the one for me and I need to move on. It doesn’t help either person in either way.
I remember at one point feeling like some type of marriage counselor. Our friends would look at our relationship from the outside and say ‘I want that’ or ‘how do you guys do it?’. From the outside things will always look fine because we have a united front. You will never know what strings are being pulled behind the curtain. Not to suggest that our marriage and love for each other is in anyway forced or fake but to say that our internal problems/issues always remain just that. Internal.

A good friend of mine from way back hit me on my gmail about some marital advice since I send out ‘Sincere Thoughts’ (Words of wisdom-ish stuff)by email every morning. Well, almost every morning, I try… If you want to get on the blast just send me your email address. I of course replied to him with what I would do in a situation like theirs. I decided to share some of the points.

1. Communication is key:
If you’re mad at me for something I did or didn’t do how am I to know if you don’t say so.

2. Be observant. You don’t have to be meticulous or a private eye with it, just pick up on different vibes and roll with it. If you notice he/she is tired, offer a massage or to take over one of their tasks for them. Things like that.

3.Be spontaneous. I would send my wife flowers or a card just to say ‘hi & I’m thinking about you’ for example. It doesn’t always to be some big elaborate thing. It’s the little things that matter the most.

4. A happy wife= a happy life. This goes both ways too. No matter who wears ‘the pants’ in your relationship, a happy spouse is important. Remember, if you’re not making them happy they can and will find someone or something else that will.

5. Pride will take you nowhere but to the corner of Lonely Ave and Heartbreak Blvd. It’s not always about you! Relationships are a give and take. You have to be able to give just as much as you take. Don’t let pride make you feel like you’re too big or bold to apologize when you’re wrong or humble yourself and take direction. You have to be able to release that pride to keep your marriage on track.

Those were just a few of the things that I try and live by. What keeps us happy may not work for you so I say don’t follow the advice of everyone, including me, verbatim but modify it to fit your life. This is not just a model for marriage. It can be applied to any relationship you may be in. I have never professed to be an expert or guru on any subject but I just like to pass along things that have helped me in hopes that it’ll help you.
If after doing these things and you still feel like it’s not working then when all else fails… Move on. Your happiness is what’s best.

Love and live well
 
Sincere