It seems that I’ve done it again. I have this knack for hurting people’s feelings unintentionally. I don’t know why I do but I just do. In my previous blog ” what dreams may come” I said that my first love broke my heart twice. Well, that was the truth. She did break my heart twice, but the thing is, she didn’t know that. I had just thought that in our numerous conversations post breakup that I had told her and she knew. I guess I was wrong. My bad. I would never intentionally put that out there if I didn’t think that she was already aware of it. Once I typed it I expected to get some type of reaction from her, but not one of surprise. After the break up we both made efforts to try and at least remain friends. I mean she is my first love, and no matter who or what comes along, you never forget your first love. Like I said, I don’t mean to hurt people but sometimes I just do.
I write what I feel and if it ruffles a few feathers, than so be it. It is what it is. I’m ‘ Mr. nice guy’ all the time, but the one moment I say what I really feel I somehow become scum of the earth. I can’t please everybody. If for some reason me revealing the truth and purging my thoughts hurts or offends you, my bad. It is what it is.
Peace and Blessings
Sincere
Okay so after making myself stay awake for about 4 1/2 hrs to get some things done after I came home from work at about 6am, I found myself unable to go to sleep. Has that ever happened to you? You fight sleep for a while so you can do whatever it is you need done, but when you’re finally done and ready to go to sleep you can’t. anyway, that’s what happened to me. Since I was up I decided to watch one of my favorite movies What Dreams May Come ( Shout to Batisha for turning me on to this back in ’00). This movie is about a guy( Robin Williams) that dies and goes to Heaven. Well, his wife( forgot her name, but i’ve seen her in hella other movies) becomes depressed and all and eventually commits suicide. she is sent to Hell because of this. Robin Williams’ character( It’s a shame that this is one of my favorite movies yet I don’t even know the characters’ names.. smh) wants to be with her or rather her with him. So with the help of an angel( Cuba Gooding jr) he goes down to Hell to bring her up to Heaven. So this got me thinking, in real life how far is someone willing to go for their significant other? I know we say things like ” I would walk to the ends of the earth just to pick you a single flower” or ” i would give you the sun, the moon, the sky, the stars and the mountains( shouts to After 7 a.k.a. them Edmonds boys) but would we really do it? I can honestly say that there are a lot of things that I would do for Mamacita but going to Hell to get her when I’m already straight up in Heaven? I would definitely have to think on that. Before you even trip talking about how I’m insensitive or that I don’t love my wife, I’ll let you know that if you think that then you’re wrong and besides she wouldn’t even think about it. she would just flat out not do it!!! I am one of those types that will do almost anything in the name of love. Mind you I did say ALMOST anything. I’m not gonna go all Van Gogh and cut off my ear or anything like that, but I have done some, shall I say, out of character things for love. Or rather the feeling of love. I think I’m in love with being in love. It sounds weird but I know I’m not the only one. I just love the feeling of feeling love( love the feeling of feeling love? that sentence doesn’t sound right, but somehow makes sense to me.. go figure). I tend to fall hard and fast for love. I wasn’t always like this though. After my first love ripped my heart apart (not once but twice) I gave up on love and thought it was not worth the time. But I guess it takes a fool to learn to love( I’m a young guy with an old soul and if you can think of where that phrase is from you are too). But now I bask in it and enjoy every waking moment of it. so now. Would I go to hell to get Mamacita? I guess the answer would be yes. Love can make you do strange things. It is what it is.
Peace and Blessings
Sincere
Okay so I got home this morning around 7 and I had to watch the HBO special ” When the Levee Broke” in it’s entirety. so I stayed up and fought back my sleep to make sure I was able to watch it. The first 2 acts had me literally in tears from pretty much the beginning until the end. Now I’m not a real emotional guy, I mean I have emotions, but you know what I mean. I hope… anyway. To see that kind of devastation and hear the testimonials from the people that actually went through it was something else. I must give props to Spike Lee for doing this. No one else could have captured the raw, heartfelt emotion that was displayed. I felt like I had a first hand view of what happened as if I was there. Acts III & IV were about basically ” what are we gonna do now?” It showed how strong the culture and people of New Orleans are. You may have crushed their homes, cars and material things… But you can’t crush their spirit!!!
New Orleans is big business. Dick and his Haliburton buddies are getting rich(er) off of the devastation. This was something that we needed to see. If you haven’t seen it yet, get your TIVO, DVR, VCR or whatever type of recording device and record it when it re-airs on the 29th when they will replay acts I-IV together. This is must see TV.
Peace and Blessings
Sincere
So HBO will air Spike Lee’s documentary on Hurricane Katrina in two parts starting tonight. Acts I & II will air tonight while Acts III & IV will air tomorrow. I think this will be good. I am a huge Spike Lee fan( people use to say we looked alike, maybe it’s the glasses or the fact that i’m into movies.. I don’t see it but whatever)… We are both big conspiracy theorists… Anyway It looks like it will be prety interesting and contraversial. click here to read about it. http://www.hbo.com/docs/programs/whentheleveesbroke/index.html
It’s time for the new fall season of Prison Break. I started watching it midway through the season after they had a special on it. Now I’m hooked. House is starting on September 5th. I’m not really a big House fan but it’s still worthwhile TV. I was watching a preview of all the new Fox shows and some of them look pretty interesting. I’m going to have to reprogram my DVR just to keep up. I think I watch way too much TV! I was clearing out the memory the other day and noticed that I have 68 shows scheduled to record. Mind you, some of the seasons are over and I’m waiting for the new one, but the majority of them are ones that I never watch, yet they are still recorded. Don’t ask…. I don’t know why either. Some of these I record and watch daily like( don’t laugh) Regis and Kelly and The Young and The Restless. I keep up with them everyday religously. The only problem with the new lineup is that too many of these shows come on at the same time and I suck at making these kind of decisions. Who goes, who stays…..
Anyway, hope you enjoy the new season and if you miss a show I probably have it recorded, let me know.
Peace and Blessings
Sincere
I wonder what my life would be like if we stayed toether? In the beginning it seemed so destined to be right. Maybe it was just young love, or maybe it was just because you were my first. I fell hard for you. To this day I still think about you and what could have been. Maybe if I had called one more time, or wrote one more letter, it would still be me and you. I can’t be mad that we broke up though. I guess it wasn’t in the cards. Now we’ve both moved on in our lives and seem to be doing okay. but I still can’t help but to wonder what if I knew then what I know now. Would it have made a difference? I guess we’ll never know
Peace and Blessings
Sincere
When the rain falls and the wind howls, we tend to look for shelter in something that is comforting. But what do you do when the storm is not the weather but your life? What or who do you find comfort in? A better question is what is most important to you? Life can be very challenging at times. But you must continue to press on. Like everything else, the more you practice or do something, the better you will become at it. Not saying that it will become easier, you will just become better. I do believe in Karma and what you reap you will sow. If you exude positive energy, you will receive that same energy back( sometimes). This road that we travel is rough and no matter what people say, there is no such thing as shortcuts or easy rides. So when the rain falls and the wind howls turn to what you find comfort in and hold on.
Peace and Blessings
Sincere
So I’m at the DMV on Friday morning before I go to work trying to get my caddy registered in my name. I’ve been riding dirty for a little while now and thought it was a good time to come clean. So I get there at the crack of dawn thinking it’s gonna be a million plus people there. When I got there at 7, they open at 8, I was the only one on the parking lot. The first thing I’m thinking is ” they must be closed today” or ” have they moved locations on me?”. So I go up to the door and check the date and times and sure enough they are open that day and I’m the first one there.So I decide to go back and take a quick nap for 20 minutes. No need to waste my car battery listening to the radio or just sit there twiddling my thumbs. Well 20 minutes turned into 2 hrs!!! When I woke up and got in line I was like 17 people back. I felt so dumb!!! But all in all I only spent about 15-20 minutes altogether from the time I walked in until I walked back out. But I could have been back home by 830-845 instead of walking in the door. Actually, there were more people behind the counter than in front waiting. True story!! I counted. I guess the DMV is not so bad after all.
Peace and Blessings
Sincere
Remember When as a kid you didn’t have any fears or reservations about anything? If you saw a tree no matter how high it was going to be climbed and jumped from. remember trying to do back flips off the roof( or was that just me)? Anyway, my point being, whatever happened to those days? It’s like as you get older you lose that sense of fearlessness and become fearful of everything. As a kid I was wide open!!! Now it seems I’ve somehow turned into a hypochondriac. Every little thing seems like the biggest deal to me. If I stub my toe I just know that it’s broken and I’m gonna need some type of surgery. Crazy things like that. Now I’m not one to run to the doctor everyday for anything. I think I’ve been to the doctor maybe twice in the past 3 years for anything other than the yearly checkup. It seems nowadays adults have lost that fearlessness and are just afraid to do anything. I wish I had that type of blind abandonment that I had back as a child. Well, that’s just my thought for the day as I sit and type on my Blackberry all Rev Run style( watch MTV’s Run’s House if you didn’t get that).
Peace and Blessings
Sincere
The love that I feel is pain
Though my heart cries sadness
Happiness is gained
You hurt me when you said the word “goodbye” love
Not realizing for a second what I was to become
Just a sad and lonely shell of my former self
No more cares about life, love, and happiness
As you drifted away to sleep I begged you to stay
Here by my side for just one more day
But you left me here in a world not my own
With my family close beside i’m never alone
Though the feeling may creep in and invade my space
I keep pushing everyday with a smile on my face
Painted like a clown just to hide the pain
The love that I feel is filled with pain
Though my heart cries sadness
Happiness is gained
I remember when you used to say sweet things
Like how you loved me and didn’t want to play games
You wanted to make it official and show the world I’m yours
Not realizing seperation crept in the back door
While away I stayed faithful, praying you did too
The calls and letters everyday showed that I was true
As the year passed our love seemed to grow for each other
Never to stray away to seek that tempting lover
When I had to go out you always supported me
You never said a word while your eyes disagreed
I loved you with all my soul never meaning to hurt
But you took a simple joke as a way to flirt
I guess you grew tried of all that came
When you left you took my heart and left me the pain
The love that I feel is filled with pain
Though my heart cries sadness
Happiness is gained
what’s going on people? This is my first post on this site. I’m on myspace right now. check it out at http://blog.myspace.com/sincere_b. More to come later.
Peace and Blessing
Sincere
Blogging While Black | Sincere August 31, 2006 | 
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